A Sore Subject

If you're walking up to Birchwood 7, you're likely to find a pool of rum and maybe a few bits of broken glass that I neglected to see last night when I tried to clean up my mess. I was walking home with my handle of bacardi and 3 bottles of champagne in Jess' backpack when, right as I was about to reach the stairs and almost be home, the rum flew out of the bag and collapsed onto the sidewalk. I was SO CLOSE and I am literally devastated. I can not believe that, of all things that could happen, this did. Now I have no rum for Renn Fayre. I don't want to be sad for thesis parade so I'm going to pretend that everything's fine, and if you read this please don't bring up the rum so that I can bask in my full denial. Let's just say it's a sore subject.

I wish I had a blue dress

I wonder if this is just a chemical imbalance. I guess everything is. It's all unconscious before it becomes conscious if it even gets that far, it's all neurons and synapses and finite physical matter. Emotions aren't the beasts we think they are. Yet we think our thoughts are indeterminate, that we have choice and control over what we do or think or feel. I want to believe that.

But on the other hand, I want to blame these feelings on something else. I want to tell myself that I'm just late coming down from the drug and I'm coming down hard and that it will soon be over. But I'm not completely sure that I've convinced myself. I just want to fill my room with a flood of tears and lie in a huddle in my bed forever. Sounds wonderful, right?

Someone, please, live this life for me. Just do it for me and do it right because I can't handle it. I can't handle all the work and complexity- I want it to be simple. I want to be rich and intelligent and have the perfect family in a perfect house with perfect friends. Why can't it be that easy? Why can't I deal with my emotions?

Yeah Clinton

Just got this e-mail:

Congratulations! You were picked to attend the Clinton lecture on Tuesday, April 17. Here are some more details for the evening. The faculty member attending will be Peter Steinberger and the staff member will be Sarah Parshley. Meet in the Student Services Office in Eliot 218 at 5pm. Peter and Sarah will drive you to the lecture at the Schnitzer Auditorium. Doors open at 5:30 for general admission seating and the lecture starts at 6:30. After the lecture, you will have dinner at the Park Kitchen in the Pearl District. You won't return to campus until late that evening.

IMPORTANT: if you are unable to attend this lecture, please let me know as soon as possible so that we can arrange for a replacement. There were 134 other students who wanted to attend, so please do not let this spot go to waste.

Enjoy the evening!



http://www.worldoregon.org/events/speaker2.php

Basically, Bill Clinton will be speaking in Portland and I was one of four Reedies chosen to go for free. My sentiments should be obvious.

I was looking at the foodnetwork.com website for recipes for my little Easter dinner tonight and I decided I need someone to make me these adorable cupcakes:

Strawberry-Lime Stuffed Cupcakes

New on youtube

My girls can dance.

Drag Ball '07

Yeah, we're pretty hot.

Movie of the Month

If you haven't seen this yet, you are seriously missing out.



[Chorus]
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
No it's not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend

You're so fine
I want you mine
You're so delicious
I think about ya all the time
You're so addictive
Don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright?
(alright alright alright alright)
Don't pretend I think you know I'm damn precious
Hell yeah
I'm the mother (fucking) princess
I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right
(I'm right I'm right I'm right)

She's like so whatever
You could do so much better
I think we should get together now
And that's what everyone's talking about!

[Chorus]
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
No it's not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend

I can see the way, I see the way you look at me
And even when you look away I know you think of me
I know you talk about me all the time again and again
(and again and again and again)
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear

Better yet make your girlfriend disappear
I don't want to hear you say her name ever again
(And again and again and again!)

She's like so whatever
You could do so much better
I think we should get together now
And that's what everyone's talking about!

[Chorus]
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
No it's not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger
Cause I can, cause I can do it better
There's no other
So when's it gonna sink in
She's so stupid
What the hell were you thinking?

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger
Cause I can, cause I can do it better
There's no other
So when's it gonna sink in
She's so stupid
What the hell were you thinking?

[Chorus]
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
No it's not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend
No Way No Way....

The weekend

Where did it go? I planned on working the entire time and ended up partying and sleeping instead. I only have a couple of workable hours left in the day and I have a paper due tomorrow, not to mention copious amounts of other classwork. Fuck.

Could I have mono? I hear it's going around.

My name

Statistically the 1425th most popular first name. (tied with 70 other first names)

I am so (not) popular. But why would I want to be like everyone else?

OK, enough procrastinating. I'm going back to work. 2 days until spring break!!!!

No more smoking/drinking on weeknights. Bad bad idea.

At least not until spring break.

DM in the House

My dad sends me this e-mail today (that he sent to many other people as well):
FYI: our special client Dave Matthews will be on 'House' tomorrow as
a special guest star...

I reply:
Umm...TOO BAD I DON'T OWN A TELEVISION. Yeah. Thanks a lot.

He replies back:
actually, it wasn't really meant for you - YOU HAVE TO STUDY! HAHAHAHA!


How cruel is that?

Masquerade Ball: Fight or Flight

We dressed up as trashed hookers (gangsta style) who got in a fight with each other (hence the black eyes). We played the part especially well, considering we actually were trashed.

I DID make it to the bins and I DID have a great time at Lisa's party, so I consider this weekend a success. As a bonus, I'm still feeling the effects of partying. I definitely forgot a lot of what happened Saturday night until I was reminded on Sunday, most of which I spent sleeping. I'm not sure if I'm going to class today and I only have 20 more minutes to decide before it's too late. I have a ton of work to do and I think I'll be less stressed if I stay home and try to get it done. I haven't missed a day this entire year and I think I should give myself a break. My only waking hours yesterday were spent on foodnetwork.com looking at recipes, motivating me to make an asparagus risotto (with sundried tomatoes possibly) and yummy salad on the side for dinner tonight. I have a few ingredients to pick up but I'm hoping it will work out. By the way, this is my way of inviting people today because I don't feel like calling. And I may be eating alone because I don't think anyone actually reads my blog. (And I don't blame them). But anyway, everyone is invited- just let me know if you're coming so I make enough food. I love having people over.

This weekend I realized a lot about myself. I have a lot of really wonderful friends and I mean REALLY WONDERFUL. I care so much about them that I don't think about myself. And I'm not trying to be selfish. I know that it's not healthy that my only source of happiness is through other people. I don't know what point I'm trying to make here because I definitely don't want to be around friends less. I think this is more of an internal thing- I just need to learn to be happy with myself. I'm really not THAT terrible and I know this, I just have to do a better job of convincing myself more of the time.

Oh, dreams

Sometimes I wish Freud knew what he was talking about. I wish that his theories weren't entirely based on shit he pulled straight out of his ass. I wish that dreams really were our unconscious desires. Because that would make the dream I had today really interesting:

I was out on a big field with my family (or not- you know how dreams are), and I don't remember what happened (though, surely, it was riveting) until things started out of the sky. Packaged food. All kinds, just falling everywhere. We started scrambling to get as much as we could, all the while wondering who was sending us this and why. Giant 5-foot long loaves of bread started falling- either french or sourdough. I lost an earring and started searching through all the fallen food (a futile effort, as you can imagine), then woke up and immediately checked to see if I had all of my earrings.

If Man is 5, then the Devil is 6, then God is 7

Sam was wearing the most awesome Pixies shirt last night and I want to steal it.

Speaking of last night, Lisa's birthday party #1 was amazing. I can't even wait for Lisa's birthday party #2. I'm definitely making time for a bins trip with Jake today.

So much to say, not enough time to write.

Love.

The Library

I'm not sure what I'm still doing here. This place frightens me. There's a low humming sound that's shaking the floor, the desk, everything around me. I feel like the entire building will suddenly combust. I came in here to pass the time until meeting with Lyndsey, only to find an e-mail from her saying that she doesn't feel well and won't be able to communicate effectively, so we rescheduled for tomorrow. I was almost thinking of asking her the same thing because I'm really not in the mood, but I thought it would be best for me to actually study before my chem midterm on Friday. I don't know why I think that I have time to be doing this right now. The library is so intimidating (and potentially dangerous if you ask me) that I can't bring myself to do actual work. I should just go home. But I feel like, now that I'm here, I should try and actually be productive. Although it's a bit hard with my entire left arm covered in rat scratches. Don't even ask.

Now, thinking about all of the things I want to write, I can't even attempt to get to them all. I'm not even going to try. Maybe another day. Blah, I need to get out of this god forsaken place.

Happy Half-Birthday to Me!!!

Yay!!!

Daddio

In case you were wondering what my dad does:

Mix Online (An article from a recent Mix magazine)
My favorite line: "This place is pimped-out, to say the least."
Go daddy!!!



On another note, I really love the deal I have going right now with Ray. We're taking turns treating each other to lunch every Wednesday and it's really nice. Despite spending $10 on root beer (since when are refills not free?), it was really great and we def have to keep doing this.

Picture Recap

I haven't posted pictures here in a long, long time. It's time to catch up.

I miss Blake.


And my KC Deane.


I think this is going to turn into a picture story of the year (school year) up until now. I can't believe I've been so lame about posting pictures. Forgive me.

There were parties.


And kissing.


Matching plaid.


Sun. PDX. What?


Cuties.


Sometimes we are black and white.


Sometimes there are sunsets.


We go to pool hall formals. And lose. Oh yes we lose. We lose at pool, but not popularity.


Tedros likes pool too.


I swear I am not THAT vain. But I do like this picture. And sparkles.


I also like wigs.


We had a juggler/entertainer at a basketball game.


We match. In case you didn't notice.


My g-ma tried to eat my face.


We gave thanks. To the Schumers.


Everyone was there.


And they were hott.


Hot like Pellolio, who rocks the guitar hero.


So much love.


Josh got plastered and naked. Again.


We welcomed Serena to the family.


I went home to my real family.


My real family likes to take pictures too.


OK, maybe I am that vain.


Had fun at Ulrika's with the LA gang.


Christmas with the Bourne's


Alex likes guitar.


We eat fondue and are very Swiss.


Then I took a road trip with Ulrika to Santa Cruz/San Francisco.


There were big, scary elephant seals.


We went to the Mystery Spot and stayed with Birte.


Then stayed with Eva. Here's the view from the roof:


And on to San Anselmo with Pellolio.


Where we were hot in the tub. Or in the hot tub.


I flew back to Portland and trained up to Washington for a tea party.


When I got back to Reed, it was frozen over.


But I had a cocktail party anyway:








And ate gourmet cake.


Drank.


Did all sorts of really bad things. But how can we resist?


I mean, we're young and in college and basically awesome.


Jake is one of my new favorite people, by the way.


The Girls. I know, we're adorable.



Apparently I drink Carlo Rossi...but I don't quite remember.


More of the San Anselmo gangstas.


We're awesome!!!



From these pictures, it looks like I partied all year and had the time of my life. But really, it flew by and I felt like I was studying the entire time and had no time for friends. I hope to change that soon. I love my friends- they are all wonderful in their own little ways and I want to see more of them. More, more, MORE!!! And that's why I'm having a dinner party on Friday. Taco night, to be exact.