Some call it procrastination

Others call it a much needed break.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Tuition. 'Nuff said.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Houston's with Birte and Alex.


3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
Not a bit.


4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
About losing my virginity or life in general? I would have been more adventurous. You decide which one I am answering.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Nakano.

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Riding a rollercoaster. I know that's random but it popped into my head, so it must be true.


7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
Let's see. A superhero, a cowboy, a chef, a firefighter. Then I realized I could be all of these and more.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
One so far. This one.

(I'm in this picture...can you find me?)

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
I found it last night and thought "It's been awhile since I wore a plain white shirt" and so this morning I decided it was time for a change.

10. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
I am not excited to drive when I get back to LA. This Friday, by the way!

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be?
I've always wanted to buy my own island.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I didn't set my alarm.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
OK, so the slow stress response starts when the PVN of the hypothalamus releases corticotrophin-releasing hormone into the anterior pituitary which in turn releases adrenocorticotrophic hormone into the bloodstream and makes the adrenal cortex release corticosteroids (like cortisol), which mobilizes the body's resources and repairs stress-related damage. The fast stress response, on the other hand, primes the body immediately starting with the hypothalamus stimulating the adrenal medulla which releases epinephrine and norepinephrine.
Yes it is finals week.

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Comfortable.


16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Toilets. I just can't do it.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
No question. I mean, I volunteer even when I DO have to work.

18. Get up early or sleep In?
It depends.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Bugs Bunny.

20. Favorite thing to do at night with the opposite/same sex?
Go bowling. Just kidding.

21. Have you found real love yet?
Oh, who knows.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
Never.

23. Favorite 80's movie.
Breakfast Club!


24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Filet mignon. No one ever said it wasn't a lunch meat.

25. What do you get every time you go into Costco?
Vitamin water. Tons of vitamin water.

26. Beach or Lake?
Please. I'm from Los Angeles.


27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
I have a lot of problems with the institution but I still dream about wedding dresses.


28. Do you own property?
An island, remember?

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Cheese. That and ice cream.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
I'll never tell.

31. What's your favorite drink?
Piña coladas. (And getting caught in the rain)

32. Cowboys or Indians?
The hot black cowboy in Blazing Saddles. Or John Wayne when he was hot and I mean only in Stagecoach.




33. Cops or Robbers?
Robbers. Duh.

34. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
Benke!


35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Car?

36. Norm or Cliff?
Yeah I don't get it. Before my time.

37. 'The Cosby Show' or 'The Simpsons'?
Simpsons.

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Faking an orgasm. Never again.

39. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
Depends which job. Generally, yes. Unless you mean LIKE like. In which case, no. Although I would give anything to be Jim & Pam.



40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Marilyn.


42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Hells no.

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its actual purpose?
Yes! It was for introchem, admittedly, but it was still pretty fun.

44. Last book you read for real?
Stumbling on Happiness by Dan Gilbert. Recommended. Not a self-help book, I swear.

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
...

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
This is a tough one. Molly's apartment in Long Beach next week.

48. Do you go to church?
Not since I came out as an atheist.

49. At this point in your life, would you start a new career?
I'd like to start a career.

50. Just how old are you?
Twenty.

Just one thing

The coldness outside and warmness inside is extremely conducive to napping. Also, I think my tolerance to caffeine is getting a bit ridiculous. I just drank two cups and fell asleep.

He told me I was gorgeous.

My mood has been permanently uplifted. Or at least for today.

Happy Finals...

Here is my updated schedule of everything to do before Friday. I am babysitting and therefore have time to both study and organize my life for the next few days.

Tonight
Study behavioral neuroscience notes until the parents come home
Study film notes until sleep

Sunday
8-9 wake up, do morning things
9-1:45 read behavioral neuroscience chapters, take notes. Walk to library.
2-4 meet Maggie and Kara in library lobby to study behavioral neuroscience
4-5 or so Meet with Tian Yu and Maggie to talk about research results and what to write in discussion
5 or so until bedtime- study for film exam Mon morning

Monday
8-8:45 wake up and walk to vollum for film final
9-12 film final in Vollum 120
12-1 eat lunch
1-7 study neuroscience, eat dinner, study more neuroscience

Tuesday
8-9 wake up
9-12 work on thinking paper
12-1 eat lunch
1-5:45 lightly study neuroscience. Review important terms, etc.
6-8pm Neuroscience exam in Bio 19
After exam, work on InterPer poster board with Maggie. Prepare for presentation Wed night

Wednesday
8-9 wake up
9-12 finish Thinking paper
12-1 lunch
1-4:30 finish discussion section of research paper and prepare for presentation
5-7 InterPer Presentation of group project
Jake’s birthday!

Thursday
Hopefully you're done with everything by now.
5pm Interper research report due
Write Thinking paper, turn in before going to sleep. Pack things for flight tomorrow and look at bus schedule to get to airport in time.
Blake's for dinner

Friday
10:25am fly home
12:00 Thinking final paper due

The house smells like latkes

That is all.

Life Schedule for the next week

This is what I'll be doing. Distract me if you wish.

Thursday
8-9 wake up, shower, eat breakfast and drink coffee
9-12 work on neuroscience paper
12-1 make salad and eat lunch and think about finishing paper
1-2 finish neuroscience paper, walk to psych building and turn it in. Stay in library and look over neuroscience and film notes. Watch movie (Faat Kine) in IMC downstairs.
5pm Behavioral Neuroscience paper due
Night- babysit for Dehens

Friday
10:00am meet with Kathy to discuss Interper research results
Analyze results and write discussion section after meeting. Work on this until about 3pm
3-6 work hardcore on InterPer term paper
Night- study for neuroscience exam, take a break and have a little fun and maybe even get laid.

Saturday
8:00 wake up and go to Sports Center and work out. Chill out until brunch, maybe studying lightly.
11:15 Meet in Eliot Circle for brunch at Oleson’s until 1:30
1:30-5:30 work on term paper and finish up discussion section of research paper. Finish term paper! Do it!
6-9pm babysit for Pete Rock. Leave house by 5:30.
Night- Study for film or blow it off and have fun.

Sunday
Study for film, make outline for essays she may ask. Look over notes, make list of important things to remember.
Start thinking about Thinking paper
Do laundry because you desperately need to.

Monday
8:00 wake up. Do not sleep through final.
9-12 film final in Vollum 120
Interpersonal final term paper due by midnight. Should already be done.
All freaking day- study for neuroscience exam LIKE WOAH.

Tuesday
All day- study for neuroscience exam until bleeding neuroscience out of pores. Predict what he'll ask, focus heavily on recent things but look back at earlier notes as well.
6-8pm Neuroscience exam in Bio 19
After exam, work on InterPer poster board with Maggie. Remind her we should do this and figure out where to get supplies (ask Jen Negen)

Wednesday
5-7 InterPer Presentation of group project. (Where?)
Jake’s birthday!

Thursday
5pm Interper research report due. (Do discussion section, edit rest of it)
Write Thinking paper, turn in before going to sleep. Pack things for flight tomorrow and look at bus schedule.

Friday
10:25 fly home
12:00 Thinking final paper due. Should already be turned in by now since you're on a plane to Los Angeles.

Shit.

Now I really can't work. I had no idea it was Hannukah and now Molly is having people over to celebrate. I am certainly in no position to celebrate. Really, I wish she'd have told me she was going to have people over so I could have gone to the library or something.

Spring Schedule

So I've finally finalized my schedule for next semester. And I'm pretty sure that absolutely no one on the planet cares, but I'm going to post it anyway because I have a paper to write and this is more fun.

Psychopharmacology
T-TH 2:40-4

Research Design & Data Analysis
MWF 10-10:50
M 1:10-2

Developmental Psychology
MW 3:10-4:30

Infant Social Cognition
MWF 11-11:50

Contemplative Meditation
M-TR 4:40-6


All of the above are going to be sweet as can be (except maybe RDDA) and I CAN'T WAIT!!! Now I just need to get through this semester first. One more day of class!


Also...I went to the stereotaxic rat surgery demonstration today instead of tomorrow and ohmygod it was intense. I'll spare the light of heart of the details.

It's that time of the year again

No, I'm not talking about Christmas. It would be crazy to be thinking about that so soon. I'm talking about time to plan out every minute of my life because FINALS (aaah) are steadily approaching.

My rough draft of life planning:

Today, Dec. 2
Go to KC's holiday lunch party
Babysit
Begin neuroscience paper
Work on InterPer term paper
Do reading for Thinking and BehNeu

Important dates in the near near future:
Dec 5 Rat microinjection; last day of classes
Dec 6 Neuroscience paper due
Dec 8 Brunch with Interpersonal Perception class, babysit at night
Dec 10 Film final and InterPer term paper due
Dec 11 Behavioral Neuroscience exam
Dec 12 Jake's birthday, InterPer research presentation
Dec 13 Interper research report due (discussion section)
Dec 14 Thinking paper due and Fly home!

Childish Woes

One of my former psych profs brought her 1-month old baby into the department for the first time today and, instead of making me feel amazing like it should have, it made me feel absolutely awful. All I want to do is drop out of school and raise a family. I don't know what I am doing here.

I am so bad at working in the library. I can't walk home because it is pouring outside, but I keep getting distracted because I can't stop looking around at all the interesting people near me and walking by and oh god I am writing in my blog instead of working on this godforsaken paper. Someone hit me now, please.

Also, it would be so nice to have a boy right now.

Something is wrong. I have absolutely no motivation to write this paper that is due tonight. I'm just sitting here, staring at my notes. I got plenty of rest and should be typing furiously, as I usually do when I've procrastinated this much. But I'm sitting here not wanting to do anything. And I'm starting to wonder if the fact that I decided to miss my classes today has less to do with the paper I need to write and more to do with this sudden apathy and complete lack of motivation to do anything.

LA to Portland

I’ve never been more thankful for free Portland internet. I most certainly take it for granted when I shouldn’t, and I can’t even tell you how frustrating it is waiting for my flight that won’t leave for two hours without internet. Am I supposed to just sit here and reflect for that long, and not look at my facebook photo comments and wall posts? Really? Can I wait until I get home tonight to do that? It’s amazing how dependent on the interweb I have become. It consumes my life. Literally. I was planning on sitting here for the next two hours and posting photos/browsing facebook/writing this blog, but instead I am writing in a word document that I will later transfer to my blog. So, even without the internet, I am indirectly using the internet. It’s ridiculous, I tell you. And I don’t know what life would be like otherwise.

So, now that I have all the time in the world to sit here (and not write my two papers due in the next two days that I haven't worked on at all this trip), I should probably think about the last few days. It’s so unfortunate that they have to be colored by the horrible car ride to the airport with the parents. But I will get to that in a minute.

I flew into LA on Thursday, was met by dad and Ava, and they drove me home. And when I say they, I mean AVA. Because she drives now. Crazy, I know. I was actually really impressed with her driving the entire trip, despite the parents’ constant stressing and bitching. That started a few fights between us because I understand Ava’s position (it’s only been a few years since I was there) and I know how it is to have them go crazy while you’re just learning to drive. My dad, besides being an asshole, doesn’t realize how illogical he is. He goes too far with his arguments to the point of self-obsessed rambling. It would be embarrassing for him if he weren’t so damn clueless about everything. Example. Ava was driving us to Tacos Por Favor because I desperately needed some edible Mexican food after being in Portland for so long, and we’re looking for parking. My dad says to look for parking on the street. I see a driveway connected to the restaurant ahead and I say hey, maybe there’s parking behind the restaurant- that will be easier. So Ava does the logical thing and listens to me. But dad has a huge problem with disobedience, no matter how practical it may be, and COMPLETELY freaks out. Sometimes he gets so fucking psychotic and I don’t know why. What is going on in his life that makes him so quickly hostile and defensive? I think he really enjoys making everyone else miserable.

Anyway, more on that later. I’ll get back to my story. I got home and ate a delicious Thanksgiving dinner with the fam and then went party hopping at the Bourne’s and the Carter’s T-day parties. I liked seeing the Carters, but couldn’t stay there long. Lacey is getting older and becoming an actual person, so that’s pretty cool- I hope she becomes a Reedie some day. The Bourne’s was interesting, too. For the first time, JoAnne (spell?) invited me to talk with the other ladies. She even gave me wine, which was really a surprise. I had to censor myself a bit, but for the most part we all got along. Just picture me in a room of slightly tipsy 40-yr olds (including my mom) talking about vagina waxes and tattoos and how they talk to kids about sex.

Okay. Got the internet to work. I'm officially awesome. I can relax now that I’ve done the facebook and gmail thing. Two people emailed me asking for notes, but I’ll wait until I get home to respond to that.

Friday I woke up and met Alex at the beach before getting a much-needed haircut. It was a little odd, just because it felt a little contrived. I think that neither of us really knew how to act around the other. We didn’t know what to do or what to talk about so we just sort of sat around thinking of things to say. So that was uneventful. But not unpleasant, and that’s all that really matters. I’d much rather be on good terms than hate the guy, even if he acts like a jerk sometimes.

Then I met up with two of my favorite lovers, Birte and Fragola. We ate at Houston’s and then went to Pinkberry, both of which were incredible. But even if they weren’t, I know it wouldn’t have mattered because just seeing them is enough in itself. Every time I do, I’m once again reminded of how lucky I am to still be such good friends with such amazing people, even if we don’t talk all the time. The bad ones have finally been weeded out and I’m left with the best of the best. God, I love them.

Saturday morning the fam and I left for Palm Springs to visit my grandpa and his fiancée at their condo in Palm Springs. It turned out to be much more pleasant than I expected, and we even had fun playing Cranium. I spelled hippopotamus wrong and will be forever ashamed, but at least I didn’t spell diaper wrong (backwards) like my dad. We sat by the pool and played tennis and did all of the relaxing things you’re supposed to do in the sun while you’re in Palm Springs.

We drove back early this morning and I went to lunch (In’n’Out finally!) with Ulrika, my other favorite in the whole wide world. Ulrika I love you.

I just overheard someone say “I’d rather get an iPhone than go to college”. I’m so feeling that right now.

Especially since the horrid car ride to the airport where my dad proceeded to tell me that I haven’t done anything on my own in life and that he has given me everything and I’m basically an ungrateful bitch. Really. So I asked him to tell me, besides paying for (part of) my tuition, what has he paid for? What has he given me besides stress? I work my ass off at more than three fucking jobs and pay for absolutely all of my needs and don’t ask him for anything. Yes, of course he helps out with the $50,000 a year I have to pay to go to Reed, but that’s mostly because he’s too proud or too lazy or too something to fill out the goddamn financial aid forms. So basically he’s choosing to pay thousands of fucking dollars a year for my education and blaming me for it. The argument started when he brought up my saving of receipts, or apparent inability to do so (which isn’t even true). He even tried to bring my friends into it. Motherfucker.
I planned on writing everything that happened in the car that led up to our screaming match and the rest of the ride in silence, but I feel like if I think about it too deeply, I’m going to start crying. And that would be sort of ridiculous to do in the airport, wouldn’t it? Sometimes I can’t believe how much I hate my family. I’m seriously considering not coming home for Christmas.

On a lighter note, my favorite new thing...

Homeness=goodness

Turkey turkey turkey!!!

Actually, my mom couldn't find any turkey, so she bought a chicken instead. Oh, Thanksgiving at the Grueneisen household...

Thanksgiving "break" is finally beginning to seem real. If I can only get through one term paper, one film project and three days of classes, I will be home free. Granted, I'll have so much work to do while I'm home (2 more papers due right after getting back from break) that I won't be able to enjoy much, but it will still be nice to get a tiny break and go home. Can't wait for friends and family and, most of all, In-n-Out!!!

Boy oh Boy

Why do you make it so hard for me?

I need to know if I should stop trying because dammit, trying is hard. I can only keep up this chasing business for so long.

Queer Puh-rom

The dress I'm wearing for Queer Prom tonight (that g-ma bought me!) is a little shorter than ones I usually wear, but if I were queer in any sort of way, I would totally do me in this dress. Pictures will come, I am sure.

Also. The lovely Kailyn is my queer prom date who, if you don't already know, is the hottest woman alive.


Update:

Links that have helped me procrastinate today

Breeching. What a concept.

Also, this is fun. Vote for America's most annoying liberal arts college

Babies need coffee?

Viagra and jetlag

So this happened finally.

I put this on the book of face, but I think it deserves a place here as well.

House Approves Ban on Anti-Gay Discrimination

Now what about gender identity discrimination?

Bengal tiger swims

I didn't find that as a big surprise, but the pictures are pretty awesome.

I heart cats

A Shoutout

Because KC Deane makes me sane.

My fav procrastination tool

Yes, it's starting to get a little late and yes, I still have mucho mucho studying to do for my behavioral neuroscience exam tomorrow. But I feel like I have too much to say and I want to say it even though I don't know if anyone will read it. And, as always, the best time to procrastinate is when you can least afford it. Yay self-handicapping!

Anyway, here is what I have to say. Blake is 21. KC and I threw him a party this weekend, a formal black and white (sort of) affair. And it was pretty awesome, or at least it would have been if the 16(ish) drinks I consumed had gotten me drunk enough to actually enjoy myself. The whole time I was too stressed and self-conscious and worrying about Jake to really talk to anyone or relax. I don't know when I will learn that having parties is too stressful and that worrying about getting paid back for the shittons you just spent on food and decor and alcohol is always fruitless and a pain in the ass. Basically, people are really shitty. Most people. Not all, but most. If you're reading this and you didn't donate the measley $5 we asked for, you should go shoot yourself in the foot. Shame on you. It would be so easy to have tons of parties if only people would do their part.

Next, I'm maybe starting to feel the post-E depression from Friday night. It's not a real depression, and it's so obviously chemically-induced (isn't it all though?) that I can't take it seriously. But I'm starting to feel sad about the world in general, sad about my friends, sad about the way I feel about myself, sad about everything. I know it's not real and I know it will pass, but it would be so nice to have someone next to me holding me until I can be happy again.

Some things are only funny because they're true

I heart CSOs

Our friendly neighborhood CSOs just arrested a man trying to steal my bike from the bike rack outside the Birchwoods. He was sloppy drunk and actually shat his pants when the CSO started yelling at him. He had a backpack full of stolen bike parts and was in the process of taking mine apart when he got caught. They tell me it would be unsafe to ride at this point.

Best part: His name was legally changed to Roamin Freeley.

Ohmygod Renn Fayre is going to be incredible.

Lisa, Blake and Dave as Renn Fayre czars? Hell yes.

Don't you love when your only class of the day is canceled?

I do.

I hate hate hate candy

The worst possible combination in the world is what follows: trying to lose weight, being on your period and halloweentime. It doesn't help that the candy bowl is only a few feet away. I need CHOCOLATE. Oh man, it's bad.

Candyland Halloween

I've been searching for the perfect halloween costume for awhile now and I think that it has finally come to me. I'm going to be either Princess Lolly or Queen Frostine from Candyland. Whichever costume I find first will do. It would be pretty awesome if everyone dressed up as Candyland characters but I don't know if the friends would be up for that. Anyway, I'm excited (and no longer stressed) for halloween!

Dumbledore is (was) gay

Sweet.

My list, katiegeckle style

To do:
• Clean kitchen (sink, stove, fridge, freezer, mop floor, take out recycling and trash)
• Vacuum floor
• Clean room- get papers organized, clothes put away
• Pick up Film paper from Rebecca Gordon’s box in Eliot (sooo far, do I have to?)
• Find recipe for chicken parmesan and make it
• Buy tomatoes for caprese
• Download new awesome music
• Listen to new music; make new playlists of songs I like
• Watch Romeo & Juliet and Memento
• Get a Halloween costume
• Mom’s birthday on Tuesday! Send card!
• Babysit for the entire world or just all of Portland
• Party late at night when the time is right


School Stuff:
• Work on term paper for InterPer- finish annotated bibliography!!!
• Read tons of Brain and Behavior, wikipedia everything as a distraction
• Look for a paper to critique for BehNeu
• Think about Thinking issues
• Think about group project in InterPer- come up with questions. Look at Approach/Avoidance scale for ideas

Poofy Skirts and Dresses

I stumbled upon an entire website devoted to them right here

So this is what happens when I have free time

I spent pretty much the entire day watching House. So good. I'm not complaining.

Today has been unbearably lonely. I haven't seen a single human being yet.

Ava is gone...
Everyone else has either gone to their homelands for Fall Break or is too busy. I want to DO SOMETHING.

I might even go for beer pong. I just don't want to walk all the way to the model home alone. And being there without Jake? That will be interesting.

Just a quick question

Why am I waking up at 3:15pm?

Siliness

I can relate.

Because sometimes it's a good thing to be reminded of high school

1. To whom did you last give the finger?
I honestly have no idea. It was never a gesture I used too often anyway. I think I can communicate better with my eyes.

2. If you had 1,000 dollars what would you buy?
I would save it so I can keep shopping at New Seasons. I have a bit of a organic/local/healthy food obsession. And I'm okay with it making me poor if I have to.

3. What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
Water. Yesterday. No joke. It's pretty much a quotidian occurrence. (Quotidian is the word of the day)

4. Are you different now than you were 6 months ago?
Not really. I was surrounded by slightly different people and was thinking about different things, but I think I've been the same person for awhile. If anything, I am more self-aware due to my psych courses.

5. Have you kissed a boy/girl in the last three days?:
Nope. I've had too much fun for that.

6. What was the last photograph you took?:
Ava and I played with photobooth yesterday while we were bored. We have quite a talent for funny faces.

7. Where were you last night around 9:30?:
Hanging out with some of the most wonderful people in the world at Blake's house and celebrating Ava's birthday. We had a vegan good time.

8. What do you think of guys who wear eyeliner?
It can be very hot if done right.

9. How many hours did you last sleep?
About 7. Had to get up early to go to the gym.

10. Who was the last person to whom you spoke on the phone for over an hour?
That hasn't happened for awhile. Ulrika probably. Maybe Alex.

11. 50 Cent shows up at your door, what do you do?:
Chuckle. Shut it.

12. How was the last egg you ate prepared?
Scrambled with artichokes, tomatoes, avocado, feta and mache.

13. Where did you last wear sunglasses?:
In my apartment last night. They were my hooker sunglasses.

14. Ever worn your underwear backwards?
Never had a reason to.

15: What is your favorite scent?
Bread or apples baking. Mmm KC's apple pie.

16. Does it bother you if people use the word like too much?
I think it's, like, a pretty useful addition to the English language. I read an article on it once and was convinced.

17. What animal did you last pet or hold?
Blake's mom's cat.

18. What was the last law you broke?
I guess we hit the bong last night. Is that really even illegal anymore?

19. What are you wearing?
Rain boots over jeans and a blue wife-beaterish shirt.

20. What did you think of your last kiss?
I was VERY drunk. I think it was pleasant, as far as I can remember.

21. What was the last newspaper you read or skimmed?:
The newspapers in Hot Fuzz that I just finished watching. Good movie.

22. What was the last thing you wrote on your hand?
An address where I was going to babysit (the same place I'm going tonight).

23. What was the last hair product you used?
Conditioner.

24. What was the last text message you received?
"What are you bringing tonight?" from KC

25. What was the last medication (Rx or OTC) you took?:
Probably something for my allergies.

26. Who was the last person to make you really laugh?:
Ava. My sister is wonderful.

27. To what song did you last sing along?
Bohemian Rhapsody. I know it's cliché but I'm not going to lie.

28. What was the last musical instrument played in your presence?
Ava's voice? I don't know.

29. What was the last superstitious thing you did?
Wash my hands in the bathroom after washing dishes in the sink even though my hands were technically clean. I'm a little crazy.

Not to be a bitch, but

it's always reassuring to find that my ex-boyfriend is doing worse than I am.

The coat I've been waiting for all my life

Anyone have $800?

Someday

I want to have sex in the library.

Presenting...Lord of the Nutria

Sundays

are thoroughly lonely.

Every Sunday is the same. Wake up, work/study all day, go to sleep. People are rare. And that makes me sad.

I've decided that people named Dan are automatically geniuses. So far, my list:

Dan Reisberg
Dan Kahneman
Dan Gilbert

Update: I've found even more!!!

Dan Wegner
Dan Schachter

Richard Dawkins

IS GOD.

Irony?

New dishwasher is SWEET.

Now, time for a heart to heart.

Girls' Night In

Should be fun. If I get my paper done ever. I can't seem to get myself to concentrate. I probably need to study more for my behavioral neuroscience exam tomorrow anyway. First things first, as they say.


Also, I would REALLY REALLY like some Swiss chocolate right now. Hormooooones.

Evolution

Everyone needs a little of this.

Perception

Recently, due to my enrollment in an Interpersonal Perception course, I've been thinking a lot about our perceptions of others (and, of course, their perceptions of us) and how these perceptions are formed and mediated by our interactions. Of course, perception is a subject I would never venture to cover in one blog post, but I want to briefly address it.

One thing that particularly stands out to me is our tendency to seek hypothesis-confirming evidence. We do this with everything, really, but it's particularly salient in interpersonal contexts where we hold a certain expectancy of a person and, lo and behold, find that expectancy to be true. Others' actions turn out to appear consistent with our expectancies for a few reasons- instances that fit our hypotheses stand out and are better remembered than those that don't, and we also subconsciously elicit the reactions that we expect. For example, if we expect a person to be act in a certain way (even if this expectation is subconscious), we will treat them in a way that elicits the expected behavior. If the behavior is ambiguous, we'll interpret it in the way we choose. This is really disturbing if you think about how often this happens every day, and I'm seeing it increasingly in my interactions with friends. I'm trying to be more aware so that I don't do this so much, but I know it will happen inevitably. Hopefully, not so much.

Working, waiting, bjorking

That pretty much explains it.

Hey, if you're bored, you can always stop by and say hi to me while I'm working in the psych building. On Wednesdays, I work alone, so you can even sit and chat in my clean, spacious, air-conditioned office. You know you want to.

My hours:
M/W 3-5
T/Th 10:30-12:30

I have hella work to do this week. Papers and exams and reading, oh my! I hate being the one to bitch, but how will I ever get it all done?

Water

Visits

I've been bugging my G-ma to visit me at Reed ever since she left the first time, freshman year. We had the greatest time and all my friends fell in love with her. There will always be only one g-ma. And no one could work the name quite like she can. So, she's finally booked another trip to see me, November 14-17th. I'm ridiculously excited because she has so many awesome new people to meet (you know who you are) and, of course, she needs to spend more time with the rest. I can't wait to go on adventures with her. I hope to be (with a few exceptions) just like her when I'm old and have grandkids.

My sister Ava is also coming back to visit, only much sooner. She'll be here for part of my Fall Break, October 13-16th. Her birthday is the 15th, so we've got to do something really special. I don't have many ideas yet, but I should work on that soon. She'll be here in just less than three weeks!

Another exciting development is the organization of best friends driving up to Portland with me in the middle of Winter Break. We'll leave a little after X-mas and drive up here together (Birte and Molly and I) to hang out in Portland. I only hope that a lot of my favorite Reedies will be here to meet them and party together.

REEDIES...COME BACK EARLY FOR WINTER BREAK! Please. It will be fun, I promise.

Waking up alone once again. What a shame, since I wore my sexy black lace lingerie.

But I'm not complaining. Last night was awesome.

Guess the number

How many pounds have I lost since the beginning of summer?

20.

Intelligence/depression Update

So, it seems that the supposed link between higher intelligence and depression, though intuitively correct, doesn't seem to be supported by the evidence. In fact, the only relation seems to be going in the opposite direction. Apparently, intelligence is always good, even if it paints a more realistic (and therefore bleaker) view of the world.

Some quotes from the abstracts:
"Theorists have speculated that intelligence is positively associated with the capacity to benefit from cognitive-behavioral therapies. This notion was evaluated by relating pretreatment measures of fluid and crystallized intelligence (the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale (WAIS)-Clarke for vocabulary and the Shipley Institute of Living Scale for Measuring Intellectual Impairment) to self-reported symptom reduction in a naturalistic study of cognitive therapy for 106 outpatients with principal diagnoses of major depression, dysthymia, or generalized anxiety disorder. Intelligence measures did not significantly predict outcome, and nonsignificant relationships were in the opposite direction from the theoretical prediction."

"IQ does not relate significantly to depressive symptoms."

"For children of mothers with no or less chronic depression, higher IQ was associated with a lower likelihood of depression; in contrast, for children of mothers with a history of more chronic depression, higher levels of IQ were significantly associated with a greater likelihood of depression."

Interesting, no?

Intelligence and Depression

Recently, I've been interested in the relationship (if any) between intelligence and depression. I won't say why, exactly, but let's just say that the emotions of a loved and highly valued (and extremely intelligent) friend have been taken into account and I must do some research to see if a theory persists.

Some things I've taken from wikipedia's article on intellectual giftedness:

Gifted adults are seldom recognized as a special population, but they still have unique psychological, social, and emotional needs related to their high intelligence.

It has been thought in the past that there is a correlation between giftedness and depression or suicide. This has not been proven. As Reis and Renzulli mention, "With the exception of creatively gifted adolescents who are talented in writing or the visual arts, studies do not confirm that gifted individuals manifest significantly higher or lower rates or severity of depression than those for the general population...Gifted children's advanced cognitive abilities, social isolation, sensitivity, and uneven development may cause them to face some challenging social and emotional issues, but their problem-solving abilities, advanced social skills, moral reasoning, out-of-school interests, and satisfaction in achievement may help them to be more resilient."[11] Also, no research points to suicide rates being higher in gifted adolescents than other adolescents.[13] However, a number of people have noted a higher incidence of existential depression, which is depression due to highly abstract concerns such as the finality of death, the ultimate unimportance of individual people, and the meaning (or lack thereof) of life. Gifted individuals are also more likely to feel existential anxiety. [14]
However, numerous studies have shown that depression impairs intelligence because it leads to less neurogenesis in the hippocampus. [15] [16] [17] [18]


Another article online: "There seems to be a widespread belief that depressed persons are weak and ineffective. Actually, it appears that the more intelligent you are, the more you tend to create complex, negative scenarios in your mind. This can ultimately trigger what seems to be a kind of instinctive 'submission response' in the brain. We feel under attack, and are told by our brain to submit to the negative thoughts. It's actually a survival mechanism. But we interpret this as depression."

A "study" on the subject supporting the positive relationship: http://www.ucsc.edu/oncampus/currents/98-99/11-16/depression.htm

From what I've gathered from these informal sources, the answer to being depressed (or simply unhappy) is not thinking about it. Don't be realistic. Don't analyze, just do.

Then again, spending the last couple of hours (I exaggerate) scrolling through average people aka ignoramuses talking about depression and intelligence in online forums has made me a bit depressed myself. One of the reasons I love Reed so much is that it protects me from the idiocy of the world. I sometimes forget that Reedies are not typical problem-solvers or your average thinkers. And that, my dears, is a frightening thought.


Alright, all of this has been great, but I need to read some actual empirical studies that will reveal much much more about the subject. I've got 71 waiting for me on PsycINFO and I definitely won't get to all of them right now at 12am but I'll be sure to update the masses when I reach my conclusion.

Bleed Like Me

This song has always made me cry. I can't believe it used to be played so much on the radio. Clearly, no one listens to the lyrics of anything these days. Anyway, Shirley Manson is a god.

Bleed Like Me by Garbage

Avalanche is sullen and too thin
She starves herself to rid herself of sin
And the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin
And she says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me

Chris is all dressed up and acting coy
Painted like a brand new Christmas toy
He's trying to figure out if he's a girl or he's a boy
He says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me

Doodle takes Dad's scissors to her skin
And when she does relief comes setting in
While she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes
She sings:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me

Therapy is Speedie's brand new drug
Dancing with the devil's past has never been too fun
It's better off than trying to take a bullet from a gun
And she cries:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me

JT gets all fucked up in some karaoke bar
After two drinks he's a loser after three drinks he's a star
Getting all nostalgic as he sings "I Will Survive"
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
Oh, c'mon baby can you bleed like me

You should see my scars (x4)

And try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend (etc)

Time-Based Art

Portland's TBA Festival has got me intrigued.

If anyone's interested in seeing anything (besides the pretty cool Edifice Complex in Reed's lawn), let me know and we'll find a way to make it work.

Shit, I just realized that it's over. It ended yesterday. Damn. Oh well, I still need to check out whatever's in the Cooley Gallery.

9/23/07 UPDATE:
Someone (RKSK?) vandalized the Edifice Complex. With Sharpie. Fucking lame, Reed, fucking lame. I'd love to see someone's artistic statement, but have some respect. And grow up, you immature bastards.

Epiphany!

So, I've decided that the answer to all my problems will be the acquisition of a member of the opposite sex.

It's been awhile, to say the least. Learning how to flirt (translate: throw myself at unsuspecting horny boys) again may prove harder than I remember. But, hey, I can do anything.

Today I took step 1 toward this goal, which means that I'm one whole step closer. Excitement!

Livejournal

Just got one. Don't know how I feel about it yet.

Username: alinerbeaner

Original, I know.


P.S.
Sea monsters.

Cool.

So my mood swings are a little ridick. But I don't completely blame myself. I need to not stay in my apartment all day and work nonstop on Sundays. Plan ahead Aline, plan ahead. This is mega-unhealthy. And depressing. I need human faces. And it would be nice if a certain someone didn't plan on having dinner with me and then not even call to cancel. No, just go ahead and let me make an entire Indian food dinner and eat it alone. Totally fine.

Me?

I've been told that I'm intimidating. I think I'm just shy and antisocial and misanthropic. Not a princess.

The more I think about it,

the more I'm convinced that my friends are the greatest in the world. This includes old LA people and new(ish) Reed people. I'm so glad I've stayed in touch with the ones I cared about in high school- and I'm not sure I would have tried to if they were anything but what they have turned out to be. If that makes sense. I love seeing them whenever I can, as rare as that may be, and when we are together, it feels like nothing has changed.

Hopefully, Birte and Ulrika and Fragola will drive up to Portland with me in the middle of winter break and stay here for awhile and meet my superamazing Reed friends, or at least some of them.

Ava is coming up for my Fall Break, so that will be fun. Maybe we'll go to Canada. Does anyone else want to go to Canada with me? I know Katiegeckle wants to go, and Jake always wants to go, so we could get something started.

Watch this

Weekend Update

I can hear squeaking above me. I hope no one's having sex. Because then I'd have to be even more depressed about my current situation. Or lack of a situation. Help pleeease. I have a lot of ideas, but no nerve and no social skills.

I have this problem. I have NO IDEA who (if anyone) reads this. I think it's kind of pointless if no one does. And what if I want to say something that I don't particularly want everyone to read? I could get into trouble. What if I want to talk about specific boys? I should create code names. What if I want to say that Jake's brother is super hot and I'm basically in love with him because, naturally, he's like the male version of Jake and therefore perfect...and I don't REALLY want to be that explicit about it. Too late now I guess.

I have another problem. Potentially a HUGE problem. I can't find my keys and ID card. Where the fuck could they be? I barely even left my apartment yesterday. I'm hoping someone accidentally took them and will find them in the very very near future and give them back to me.

Oh my god, another problem has presented itself. I see a spider climbing on the ceiling. Maybe the spider stole my keys. I bet it's planning a siege. I bet it's the same one Dave threw out yesterday. This is why spiders need to just die. KC DEANE WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!

Actually

This is my new favorite song. Thanks, Ava.

The Blow – Parentheses

Parallel Play by Tim Page

Remember that article that I loved about Asperger's?

Read it here

Nothing better than music

My new favorite song:

Feist – Now at Last

My old new favorite song:

Sara Bareilles – Love Song

They're both great to sing, which is probably why I like them so much.

I just got a Last.fm and I've gotta admit, it's pretty awesome. Everyone should have one.

Music Fest Northwest

Blake and I bought tickets to a Portland music festival (MFNW) that starts this week. The bands playing are:

800 Octane
About a Son
Adrian Orange
Aesop Rock
Amadan
American Princes
Anders Parker
Anne Montone
Aqueduct
Atole
Au
Barry Hampton & The Triple Grip
Birds of Avalon
Black Elk
Black Joe Lewis
Bloodhag
Bobby Bare Jr.
Bobby Conn
Brian Jonestown Massacre
Broadway Calls
Cabinessence
Casey Neil & The Norway Rats
Cat Power
Chris Tsefalas
Climber
Clipse
Copy
Dakota Slim
Damien Jurado
Dan Deacon
Das Llamas
DAT'R
Deerhunter
Deerhunter
Derby
Dimmer
Dirty Mittens
Dirty Projectors
DJ Anjali
DJ Beyonda
DJ Gregarious
DJ Rex Nexus
Dj Sujinho
Dolorean
Drakes Hotel
Drunken Prayer
E3
Eric Bachmann
Eskimo Sons
Ethan Rose
Eugene Mirman
Ferraby Lionheart
Fist Fite
Floater
Ghostface Killah
Gifford Pinchot
Gingerbread Patriots
Girl Talk
Go Fever
Grand Ole Party
Green Circles
Grizzly Bear
Grizzly Bear
Gwizski
Hazelwood Motel
Helio Sequence
Herman Jolly
High Violets
Holy Fuck
Horse Feathers
Iceage Cobra
Immaculate Machine
Invisible Rockets
Jackie-O Motherfucker
jared mees
Jason Lytle of Grandaddy
John Weinland
Jonah
Jonathan Rice
Kleveland
Kurt Hagardorn
Lael Alderman
Laura Gibson
Legend Of Dutch Savage
Leigh Marble
Lifesavas
Lifetime
Linger and Quiet
LKN
Loch Lomond
Logan Lynn
Michael Dean Damron & Thee Loyal Bastards
Narwhal vs. Narwhal
Oh Captain, My Captain
Okkervil River
Old Time Relijun
Patterson Hood of The Drive By Truckers
Pierced Arrows
Pierced Arrows
Pistola
Protest Hill
Pseudosix
Pure Country Gold
Red Fang
Richmond Fontaine
Riddenpaa
Rilo Kiley
Roky Erickson
Sandpeople
Saturna
Sexy Pants
Shook Ones
Sinking Ships
Siren's Echo
Sketchy Ted
Sky Cries Mary
Slowhawk
Southerly
Spoon
Starfucker
Swan Island
Swim Swam Swum
The Blakes
The Blue Scholars
The Bronx
The Bronx
The Brunettes
The Builders and the Butchers
The Builders and the Butchers
The Cool Kids
The Crosswalks
The Dt's
The Fucking Champs
The Goddamn Gentlemen
The Heavenly States
The Heavy Hearts
The Hugs
The Incredible Kid
The Lonely H
The Minus 5
The Morals
The New Trust
The Nice Boys
The Obituaries
The Ones
The Prids
The Retrofits
The Shaky Hands
The Shaky Hands
The Sun The Sea
The Thermals
The Upsidedown
The Valiant Arms
The Wherewithals
Thrones
Tim Seely
Tiny Vipers
Typhoon
Velella Velella
Viva Voce
We're From Japan!
White Rainbow
Wolf Parade
Yacht

Anyone else who is interested should come. Jake and Euphrates and Jenny are also probably coming.

About tomorrow:
I want a labor day BBQ to happen. I'm sort of trying to plan one, but I don't know if anyone will even come. Oh well, I guess we'll see what happens.

To the commencement of school

I am going to try and type without looking at the keyboard. That sentence was a terror and I'll admit I cheated a little. I want to be able to do this because it will be really helpful when I'm in class and need to type quickly and pay attention to other things at the same time. It doesn't help that I'm awkwardly sitting, holding my comp over my head. Bah.

Yay for organized labor!

Because labor day is coming up, today (Saturday) is like a free day. I probably should be using it to work, but the first week of school has already worn me out and I think I deserve a break.

Oh, and anyone who missed Josh and Dave's monumental kegger (did anyone?) should be very very sorry.

School school school oh mah gah

Aaaand it's back. Full-fledged and just as intense as ever. Reed fucking college.

I don't know why I thought that I wouldn't be suddenly bombarded with work, but I was oh so horribly wrong. I can't even imagine doing anything but working right now (except maybe blogging about how much work I have?). On the other hand, my classes are ridiculously cool. I think I'll enjoy Thinking and Behavioral Neuroscience the most. Film and Interpersonal Perception will be awesome too, I'm sure.

Okay. Back to work.

Montage

So, I know that this is completely and utterly ridiculous, but I've got to divulge what's on my mind even if it reveals my hypersensitivity and inclination to take things too personally. I went to Montage for lunch where it's a tradition to wrap leftovers in cool foil things like at Gladstone's. Everyone in the restaurant got one. Everyone, literally everyone, except me. I don't know why this happened, but I'm pretty offended. Why am I not good enough for a foil creation? Jake got one- sitting at the same table with about the same amount leftover. Anyway, this is why I'm sad at the moment. Someone, please tell me that I'm worthy of at least a foil ball.

As if I haven't blogged enough today...

Just got back from lunch with Jake. Back in bed. Listening to new music at least.

A few parties to go to tonight, but I'm not sure if I want to be drunk. And we all know what a disaster parties are when one is sober. Or maybe just when Aline is sober.

I want to clarify my use of the word retarded, for the future and my last-ish post and always. I'm not at all alluding to developmental disabilities, which I don't consider "retardation". I'm talking about perfectly capable people acting...well...like they aren't perfectly capable. I'm talking about ignorance, not seeing the obvious or seeing the obvious and acting against it. I can't stand it and I can't stand its prevalence- I really just don't understand how people can be so dumb. And I'm not thinking of anything/one specifically right now, but I'm finding this retardation to be a common theme lately.

About developmental disorders like Asperger syndrome and autism, I am thoroughly understanding. I am absolutely in love with my mentee who has Asperger's. When I say everyone should be a bit more like her, I'm not kidding. She is by far one of the brightest 9-year-olds I've ever met and definitely the funniest. Her sense of humor is certainly odd and quirky, and sometimes I'm not even sure if she's joking, but she truly is brilliant. I'm often jealous of the observations she makes, to be honest. One of my favorite things about her is how she expresses her excitement. When she is excited, she waves her hands behind her and makes the greatest face- you can't help but feel excited when she is.

I read an article in the New Yorker yesterday about an individual with Asperger's (written by that man) and was impressed and enlightened. It was beautifully written. Read it.

Mother

I asked my mom if insurance will pay for me to get the HPV vaccination and, along with her response, she writes:

P.S. Remember not to think this replaces the condom. Always protect
against STD's. If you are using other forms of birth control it
should be in ADDITION to the condom. A wise rule: no condom, no sex.

The New Shit

It seems that blogging may be the only thing that will keep me occupied enough to refrain from, well, I don't know. A Manson-induced breakdown? Agh, I hate people. I love Marilyn Manson. I've been sitting here looking at his website and artwork and listening to my Manson mix and everything Manson. And it's making me even more depressed that I'm not going tonight.

I think I'm not only attracted to everything Manson because I'm in love with Marilyn Monroe, intrigued by Charles Manson and a fan of his music, but mainly because he's just so fucking intelligent. Manson is clearly too smart for his own good. I think that anyone who doesn't love him simply hasn't been exposed to him (or at least not in the right way) or is retarded.





Okay. I am going to shower and maybe turn on some lights. I can update more later but this is not healthy.

I'm not an artist, I'm a fucking work of art

I think that my decision to listen to Marilyn Manson at this very moment may have been a mistake. I've been trying to hide my feelings about today for awhile (why? I don't know. It hurts?) and I'm at the point where I'm not sure I can contain it any longer.

Once again, my doubts and anxiety have proven fully warranted and I'm pretty much screwed.

I hate being screwed. And this sort of fucked up situation is exactly the thing that will stop me from taking risks in the future, which is not what I need. I thought it would be fun, I thought maybe- just maybe- they would come through. I thought that if we all invested $70 in something, something like awesome concert tickets, everyone would try a little harder to make it happen. But now I'm stuck with money down the drain and no ride to California and no one to go with. I don't want to think about how badly I wanted to go because I know I will just break down. The concert starts at 7pm tonight. Concord is about 8-10 hours away. If I left now, I might be able to make it in time. But I've resigned to the fact that it's not going to happen- I'm not going to go.

Oh my god I've got to do something really fucking awesome today to make up for this.

If only the skate house party tonight wouldn't (potentially) be so horribly awkward...

(Remember this?)

Just in

I've just received these photos that were taken in June on a trip to the Tree Horse Farm somewhere in Oregon. These are actually the only photos I have of my mentee thus far. So, I now introduce to you...Hope.




As you may be able to tell, my allergies were getting the best of me that day. Hay rides are no fun with hayfever. But of course, Hope was sweet as ever. When we were tired of people, we lied in the grass together and played games. I think everyone should be more like Hope.

Summer's End

Now that summer is coming to a close, I'll have a reason to procrastinate once more. I'll start with a bit of an update. Pictures are always best.

I stayed with Ray in Texas.


Went to the House of Blues with the fam in LA.


Drove up to Enumclaw, WA with Malka and played with animals.




Ava and fam came to PDX to visit me for my b-day.


Lots of fun with the friends.


And the sister.


She fit right in, with some liquid courage help (not that it was needed)






















Babysat my kiddies.




Climbed Mt. St. Helens


Went to the Oregon Coast a few times.




And...you know...more stuff...