Porn, Chicken and Bitch Beer (and smoking with a crazy old performer)

Yesterday was, as we say...interesting. After "almost" going to a Paideia class and then actually seeing Syriana with KC, Blake and his mom, we got back to the dorm for Josh's arrival and a great culmination of the dorms. What could bring all of us together so peacefully? The answer could only be porn. Fried chicken, Smirnoff Ice, Mike's Hard Lemonade and "The Sex Lawyer". Yes, it was called the sex lawyer. And of course it was a horribly-dubbed Dutch porn, with even the sex sounds inconsistent. I am convinced that they recorded one moan and looped it throughout the entire 2-hour movie. So we all watched porn, the girls greatly outnumbering the guys, and there was much more laughing and disgust than being turned on. (KC loved it though) I honestly don't understand how people actually get off on this stuff. And why does every single sex scene end with the guy cumming into her open mouth and all over her face? Is that hot? Ugh. I think the worst part, though, is all the spitting and butt-licking. I really want to know who's into that so I can stay 5 feet away at all times. While getting buzzed and watching porn (I didn't actually have any of the fatty fried chicken), I had to do laundry, so I did. I finally bought more detergent. I went back in my room for awhile, and while I'm in my bed (where no one can see me because it is covered by a sheet), I hear some people come in and out. That's perfectly normal and I don't pay the slightest bit of attention to it. Then, awhile later, my roomate Phoebe comes in and says "I'm glad my roomate isn't here". I think to myself, what the hell does she mean by that? It turns out that they had gone to one of the Paideia events called "Chicken: Self-Portrait of a Young Man for Rent" and somehow brought the sole actor home with them. (By them, I mean Phoebe and her 2 friends) I'll give you an idea of what this guy is like by sharing the description of his show. His name, I now know, is David Henry Sterry.

Based on the best-selling memoir "Chicken", which is being made into a movie, this 1-man show is the true story of a 17-yr. old wide-eyed son of Seventies Suburbia. Suddenly homeless and alone in Hollywood, David allows himself to be seduced into the sex business. As a wild 1970's soundtrack pounds, Sterry portrays everyone from his nun/teacher to his employment counselor/pimp, his sweet girlfriend to the charming man who raped him, his sweet naive 17-yr. old self to the love-hungry ladies who hired him.

That is what the pamphlet says. It leaves out, however, that Sterry is a gray-haired, 50-yr. old pot-smoking hippie himself. And he revealed this to us (me behind my sheet), by asking if anyone likes the marijuana. When I heard that, my ears perked up and I wanted to come out of my hiding place. He made a comment about what having a Kurt Cobain poster implies about a person, and I felt like choking a bitch. How dare you judge me, you old man. Of course, at the time I didn't know he was an old man. I thought he was just a friend that they all knew who had a deep voice and no shame. He commented on everything, he was very lively. So...hearing them all smoking in the other half of my room, I slid down from my tent and went to my computer. I waited for them to say something. They all looked up, shocked. They had no idea I was in the room. They all start asking me questions like "did you just wake up?" , trying to find out how much I had heard. I answered lethargically until I got the question I was waiting for, "do you want to smoke with us?". I said "kiiiind of", in my little suggesting tone, and everything was solved. He packed me my own bowl in a crack pipe and I inhaled that shit like a pro. It's been too long since I've smoked and I fucking love getting high. I thought I would never like it more than being drunk, but the effects are just so much more obvious and the feeling is just better for me. Plus, I have to drink so much just to get drunk that sometimes it's not even worth it. Too many calories, ya know? So anyway...I stuck around for awhile and then walked around a bit. I joined some people on the balcony and then stopped by the party in Lisa's room. There's always a party in Lisa's room. I told them about the creepy old man who was nice enough to share his pot but still creepy, and she offered her mattress so that I could stay in her room if I didn't want to go back to my room. I was just hoping he'd leave. I had another Smirnoff and chilled with them. Soon it was time to go. I checked if he was still in my room- he was. Two in the morning and he was still there. I was still pretty stoned and I went in the common room and called Alex. He was awake anyway, so I didn't fuck up his sleep.

Note to self: Next to taking a shower, brushing your teeth is the funnest thing to do while stoned. Try it.