Baby, it's Cold Outside

Actually...I wouldn't know. I've been inside in bed for longer than I can remember. Okay, a couple days- but time moves slower when you're sick. You watch the clock and it just doesn't move. The hours take forever to pass, and you want them to speed up so that you'll feel better. I've finally gotten up today to write here because all the time in bed has given me a lot to think about, things that I don't normally reserve time for. I've been thinking about home mostly, Ulrika and Alex, but also of the wonderful people I have here. Wonderful people who take care of me by bringing me tea and medicine and ordering me to get better. I wish I could combine just the best parts of LA and Portland and create my own Utopia. Who said it isn't possible?!?!

As for some of the things I've been thinking of...

Alex never fails to astonish me with his intellect. No one gave him enough credit back in the day, and i didn't know him well enough to put him into any category. (Besides the obvious...nerd...) They assumed, by his laziness, that he was somehow below those taking AP's and busting their asses in school. But it's not true that work ethic has this kind of link to intelligence. And who the fuck cares about high school anyway.

I'm basically writing this to show everyone that Alex has a great mind, that he can deliberate with the best of them. I love being able to talk with him about politics and religion, psychology and our personal beliefs on everything from from Plato's idiocy to gay marriage.

He calls me his muse, says that I inspire him, but i know he always had this inside him. Maybe he simply didn't have anyone to talk to, or had no one who he could openly argue with without feeling self conscious.

Yesterday we spoke about God.

I haven't believed in a supreme being in awhile, though I know it would mean DEATH to tell my family. I've accepted their faith, but I know they could never accept my beliefs. I respect those with different beliefs than I hold, and it was the same when it came to Alex's faith.

But last night he called me with a newfound enthusiasm. I answer the phone and the first words he says are "I don't believe in God". I get a little excited that he seems to be converted and he continues. I have many reasons for my beliefs, most of them well thought-out, and he was suddenly convinced by a persuasive argument that I can't help agreeing with. Of course there are exceptions, and I've found ways around it (as the church does as well), but in the end I feel that this argument is the stronger.

Based on the Roman Catholic assumption that God is all-powerful, omnipotent and perfect, it is contradictory for this perfect God to create imperfect beings and then punish them for their imperfections. Why would a benevolent God create disease, natural disasters, trauma and death? For entertainment? It just doesn't make sense for God to blame humans for their sins, the sins which only he controls.

For the rest, look at Alex's Blog because he actually explains it in detail. It's easier for me to just give a little snapshot of our conversation. It's hard to lose faith in something you've believed your entire life. It's quite a transition. I'm honestly not even sure if he's ready to make that transition. I guess the first step is having doubts, which he indeed has.


And I have more to say but I've got to lie down. My apologies.