I may have a problem. I don't necessarily find it too atrocious, but explaining it will make me look like a horrible person. I'm extremely elitist when it comes to writing. To the point where even the "greats" of literature aren't so great. I can't read someone else's writing without feeling a twinge of contempt. I inevitably feel like my writing is heartier, more packed with emotion, and filled with my character. I scrutinize every flaw in others' writing even when it is light years ahead of my own. I honestly can't find value in the writing of my peers. I try, and only come out with criticism. This is the reason that I hate correcting their papers, or even reading stories that I feel I could portray better. I don't want to have to tell them that their masterpieces are shit. Of course I'm not referring to any specific incident. I know I sound like an ass, but this is something I just CAN'T help. I feel like I'm free to reveal these sorts of things in a blog. Don't hate me for it.
On another note, I have my own story to tell. It's short because i think it fits best. There are times when pages are appropriate and times when a paragraph tells it all. Don't criticize me or I'll cry.
I always knew there was more than sex involved in their relationship. To the outsider, it looked as though it was simply a pleasure relationship. They were friends first. He liked her and she was preoccupied. She liked him and he had moved on emotionally. But they were still friends. Friends who liked to have sex. She taught him how, he liked it. No condoms needed. Inevitably, there came a point when she wanted more than sex in their friendship. Fuck buddies was no longer an option. She couldn't hurt herself any longer by suppressing her emotion that came too late, and she was forced to tell him what had to be done. She did it, and she cried. She felt relieved, wanted someone new. Someone like Blake, Josh and Dave combined. And so it ended between the two and began the stage of awkwardness. The awkwardness died down; they were able to talk again. They would never be the same as before, but a new type of friendship was formed. They even laughed at the dinner table together. But she had eyes for a new man. He was a mix of Blake, Josh and Dave.
To be continued...
(not really)
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Sunday, January 29, 2006
A Town Called Boring
It's kind of funny...I started writing the following yesterday...
"I've decided to stop drinking. Not because I care about a reputation or don't trust my actions under the influence (although I probably should be worried about that), but because it's expensive and is making me fatter. I'm like a fucking balloon right now, except filled with bricks. It's just gross. I'm going to lose weight and I'm not going to drink."
And then, that very night, I got trashed. I'm amazing.
So yesterday I woke up at 5 am, got bused up to Mount Hood and went skiing in 5 feet of snow. It was insane. It didn't stop snowing the entire time and the mountain supposedly got 20 inches of snow. Just that day. That's like two feet. On the ride home, a really cheesy western was playing on the little TVs starring Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster. It was horrible but I couldn't stop watching. We passed through a town called Boring and saw the Boring Supermart, Boring Restaurant and more. I was the only one who found it REALLY amusing. Ray just laughed at me. I'll explain skiing shit later (after my next trip or something) because I have not yet started any homework and that's very bad. But I've had other things to think about. Like the safety of my dear friend and the sanity of another, and the rearrangement of my new room. Pictures will follow.
So the room alterations went pretty well. And when I say pretty well I mean amazingly. I'm in love with my new room. I can either make it a big party room or close my curtains and divide it up for privacy. I have a little changing area, my computer is much more nicely placed (since I have 2 desks now and all) and there is so much room I feel like the entire dorm could sleepover. I am SO glad we didn't hammer my curtain to make a new cover for my bed. SO GLAD. Jesus, that could have turned out horribly. Hammers, nails and a handle of Smirnoff are not a good combination.
Anyway, here are some pics...
"I've decided to stop drinking. Not because I care about a reputation or don't trust my actions under the influence (although I probably should be worried about that), but because it's expensive and is making me fatter. I'm like a fucking balloon right now, except filled with bricks. It's just gross. I'm going to lose weight and I'm not going to drink."
And then, that very night, I got trashed. I'm amazing.
So yesterday I woke up at 5 am, got bused up to Mount Hood and went skiing in 5 feet of snow. It was insane. It didn't stop snowing the entire time and the mountain supposedly got 20 inches of snow. Just that day. That's like two feet. On the ride home, a really cheesy western was playing on the little TVs starring Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster. It was horrible but I couldn't stop watching. We passed through a town called Boring and saw the Boring Supermart, Boring Restaurant and more. I was the only one who found it REALLY amusing. Ray just laughed at me. I'll explain skiing shit later (after my next trip or something) because I have not yet started any homework and that's very bad. But I've had other things to think about. Like the safety of my dear friend and the sanity of another, and the rearrangement of my new room. Pictures will follow.
So the room alterations went pretty well. And when I say pretty well I mean amazingly. I'm in love with my new room. I can either make it a big party room or close my curtains and divide it up for privacy. I have a little changing area, my computer is much more nicely placed (since I have 2 desks now and all) and there is so much room I feel like the entire dorm could sleepover. I am SO glad we didn't hammer my curtain to make a new cover for my bed. SO GLAD. Jesus, that could have turned out horribly. Hammers, nails and a handle of Smirnoff are not a good combination.
Anyway, here are some pics...
Friday, January 27, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Racquetball and a Call from Mom
There's racquetball with Ray.
We don't need to elaborate on the call from mom.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Hippies
These people are such hippies. Not all of them, but a good number of them. I just heard my roomate yell (to Ryan in the room next to us) that she took a shower(!!!), sounding like it was some ginormous accomplishment. Why can't they shower every day? Personally, I like to be clean. I love showering.
And then there's the shoe thing. I could deal with all the Birkenstocks, but all the hippies running around barefoot is a little much. Especially in the rain. I talked to someone about it the other day. He tried to convince me that it's cleaner than sweaty, smelly socks. My socks don't smell. If anything, they smell like roses.
Well, that was a good rant. The End.
And then there's the shoe thing. I could deal with all the Birkenstocks, but all the hippies running around barefoot is a little much. Especially in the rain. I talked to someone about it the other day. He tried to convince me that it's cleaner than sweaty, smelly socks. My socks don't smell. If anything, they smell like roses.
Well, that was a good rant. The End.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
Mary Wollstonecraft
said "the beginning is always today", according to my gmail. (which i LOVE by the way)
So there's a little quote of the day at the top, and I today is the first day I've seen it. And I happen to think her quote is fucking ludicrous. The beginning is NOT always today. The beginning of my life was 18 years ago. The beginning of college was months ago. So I'll admit that today was the beginning of the Spring semester at Reed, but that is one tiny exception.
Speaking of the new semester, I'm kind of glad it started. As much as I love partying every night, partying is hard work if you do it right, and expensive. It's also nice to get back into my old routine. Except this semester, I'm reading more for Hum. and studying more for Spanish and not sucking at Psychology. I'll try at least. So here's my boring blog. I thought it would be more interesting but I changed my mind about some things I was gonna talk about. Meh.
Peace.
So there's a little quote of the day at the top, and I today is the first day I've seen it. And I happen to think her quote is fucking ludicrous. The beginning is NOT always today. The beginning of my life was 18 years ago. The beginning of college was months ago. So I'll admit that today was the beginning of the Spring semester at Reed, but that is one tiny exception.
Speaking of the new semester, I'm kind of glad it started. As much as I love partying every night, partying is hard work if you do it right, and expensive. It's also nice to get back into my old routine. Except this semester, I'm reading more for Hum. and studying more for Spanish and not sucking at Psychology. I'll try at least. So here's my boring blog. I thought it would be more interesting but I changed my mind about some things I was gonna talk about. Meh.
Peace.
What type of girl are you?
 | You scored as Goth.
What type of girl are you?!! created with QuizFarm.com |
All I want to know is...how am I almost the same percent goth, slut and nerd? That just don't make sense, son!
And really...am I goth? I think not.
I'm out, once again proving that LABELS ARE STUPID.
Yesterday...
was really stressful and hormonal. I've been fucking with my cycle (for Alex of course) and I'm finally (sort of) back on track since I gave myself a period a couple days ago. It's kind of amazing how you can control your period with birth control. So I'm moody. Don't fuck with me. And starting school is always really stressful for me. I didn't sleep much last night, and I knew I wouldn't. I even started this blog yesterday saying that I know I won't be able to sleep. Of course I was right. I always am.
I love how Molly and I got the same grade on our psych tests and I said I did well while she said she did horrible. I'm just happy I passed all my classes.
I hate spanish. Maybe I should switch out of this whole mess altogether. If it wasn't for requirements, I'd never deal with this shit.
I don't feel like school. I'm not in a very good mood right now. Not in a bad mood, but not in a good mood. I need someone to make me happy.
Bleh.
I love how Molly and I got the same grade on our psych tests and I said I did well while she said she did horrible. I'm just happy I passed all my classes.
I hate spanish. Maybe I should switch out of this whole mess altogether. If it wasn't for requirements, I'd never deal with this shit.
I don't feel like school. I'm not in a very good mood right now. Not in a bad mood, but not in a good mood. I need someone to make me happy.
Bleh.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
You're an IDIOT
You know who I'm talking to. I hate when you fuck up and make me feel like shit, then get sensitive and make me feel even worse because YOU get hurt. So I have to feel bad for you for being an idiot. Well fuck you. I can't concentrate on my reading now but I HAVE to do it. I will. I love you.
Last Night (insert strokes riffs here)
I thought I'd be all over this paideia thing. Today I could go to the Foam Noodle Combat or a cooking class or Chemistry for Pyros or Heavy Metal 101 (and 201) or the bonfire. I could have gone to tons of interesting classes and events this week. I'll end up just going to the bonfire after my dorm event of making root beer floats. I feel like I've kinda been a failure. I didn't even buy the right size lightbulb for my broken lamp. I haven't even done my spanish project that will be presented tomorrow. I don't even have the book I need to read for Humanities.
And I just found out that on my schedule, my Spanish class has been switched to a different time and teacher. So that leaves me a lot more shit to clean up.
To top it all off, Alex is or was angry at me (I think) and now I'm just mad at him. Stop calling me, you bastard.
I really started this blog to talk about yesterday and what fun I had but I don't even feel like it anymore. Maybe later. I feel like shit. Mother fucker.
And I just found out that on my schedule, my Spanish class has been switched to a different time and teacher. So that leaves me a lot more shit to clean up.
To top it all off, Alex is or was angry at me (I think) and now I'm just mad at him. Stop calling me, you bastard.
I really started this blog to talk about yesterday and what fun I had but I don't even feel like it anymore. Maybe later. I feel like shit. Mother fucker.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Cry with me
Last night, slightly under the influence, I accidentally ripped Kurt's head. I am so sorry dear Kurt.
As an homage, a tribute to the one inflicted, I dedicate this song (his own song) back to him. Can I do that? I say yes.
I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
or maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy
my heart is broke
But I have some glue
help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
And hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
And I have a hangover...
Have a hangover
Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up
I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
As an homage, a tribute to the one inflicted, I dedicate this song (his own song) back to him. Can I do that? I say yes.
I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
or maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy
my heart is broke
But I have some glue
help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
And hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
And I have a hangover...
Have a hangover
Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up
I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
Friday, January 20, 2006
The Curb
...after all that teasing...I can NOT believe it was what led to his failure. It's beautiful the way things work out.
Porn, Chicken and Bitch Beer (and smoking with a crazy old performer)
Yesterday was, as we say...interesting. After "almost" going to a Paideia class and then actually seeing Syriana with KC, Blake and his mom, we got back to the dorm for Josh's arrival and a great culmination of the dorms. What could bring all of us together so peacefully? The answer could only be porn. Fried chicken, Smirnoff Ice, Mike's Hard Lemonade and "The Sex Lawyer". Yes, it was called the sex lawyer. And of course it was a horribly-dubbed Dutch porn, with even the sex sounds inconsistent. I am convinced that they recorded one moan and looped it throughout the entire 2-hour movie. So we all watched porn, the girls greatly outnumbering the guys, and there was much more laughing and disgust than being turned on. (KC loved it though) I honestly don't understand how people actually get off on this stuff. And why does every single sex scene end with the guy cumming into her open mouth and all over her face? Is that hot? Ugh. I think the worst part, though, is all the spitting and butt-licking. I really want to know who's into that so I can stay 5 feet away at all times. While getting buzzed and watching porn (I didn't actually have any of the fatty fried chicken), I had to do laundry, so I did. I finally bought more detergent. I went back in my room for awhile, and while I'm in my bed (where no one can see me because it is covered by a sheet), I hear some people come in and out. That's perfectly normal and I don't pay the slightest bit of attention to it. Then, awhile later, my roomate Phoebe comes in and says "I'm glad my roomate isn't here". I think to myself, what the hell does she mean by that? It turns out that they had gone to one of the Paideia events called "Chicken: Self-Portrait of a Young Man for Rent" and somehow brought the sole actor home with them. (By them, I mean Phoebe and her 2 friends) I'll give you an idea of what this guy is like by sharing the description of his show. His name, I now know, is David Henry Sterry.
Based on the best-selling memoir "Chicken", which is being made into a movie, this 1-man show is the true story of a 17-yr. old wide-eyed son of Seventies Suburbia. Suddenly homeless and alone in Hollywood, David allows himself to be seduced into the sex business. As a wild 1970's soundtrack pounds, Sterry portrays everyone from his nun/teacher to his employment counselor/pimp, his sweet girlfriend to the charming man who raped him, his sweet naive 17-yr. old self to the love-hungry ladies who hired him.
That is what the pamphlet says. It leaves out, however, that Sterry is a gray-haired, 50-yr. old pot-smoking hippie himself. And he revealed this to us (me behind my sheet), by asking if anyone likes the marijuana. When I heard that, my ears perked up and I wanted to come out of my hiding place. He made a comment about what having a Kurt Cobain poster implies about a person, and I felt like choking a bitch. How dare you judge me, you old man. Of course, at the time I didn't know he was an old man. I thought he was just a friend that they all knew who had a deep voice and no shame. He commented on everything, he was very lively. So...hearing them all smoking in the other half of my room, I slid down from my tent and went to my computer. I waited for them to say something. They all looked up, shocked. They had no idea I was in the room. They all start asking me questions like "did you just wake up?" , trying to find out how much I had heard. I answered lethargically until I got the question I was waiting for, "do you want to smoke with us?". I said "kiiiind of", in my little suggesting tone, and everything was solved. He packed me my own bowl in a crack pipe and I inhaled that shit like a pro. It's been too long since I've smoked and I fucking love getting high. I thought I would never like it more than being drunk, but the effects are just so much more obvious and the feeling is just better for me. Plus, I have to drink so much just to get drunk that sometimes it's not even worth it. Too many calories, ya know? So anyway...I stuck around for awhile and then walked around a bit. I joined some people on the balcony and then stopped by the party in Lisa's room. There's always a party in Lisa's room. I told them about the creepy old man who was nice enough to share his pot but still creepy, and she offered her mattress so that I could stay in her room if I didn't want to go back to my room. I was just hoping he'd leave. I had another Smirnoff and chilled with them. Soon it was time to go. I checked if he was still in my room- he was. Two in the morning and he was still there. I was still pretty stoned and I went in the common room and called Alex. He was awake anyway, so I didn't fuck up his sleep.
Note to self: Next to taking a shower, brushing your teeth is the funnest thing to do while stoned. Try it.
Based on the best-selling memoir "Chicken", which is being made into a movie, this 1-man show is the true story of a 17-yr. old wide-eyed son of Seventies Suburbia. Suddenly homeless and alone in Hollywood, David allows himself to be seduced into the sex business. As a wild 1970's soundtrack pounds, Sterry portrays everyone from his nun/teacher to his employment counselor/pimp, his sweet girlfriend to the charming man who raped him, his sweet naive 17-yr. old self to the love-hungry ladies who hired him.
That is what the pamphlet says. It leaves out, however, that Sterry is a gray-haired, 50-yr. old pot-smoking hippie himself. And he revealed this to us (me behind my sheet), by asking if anyone likes the marijuana. When I heard that, my ears perked up and I wanted to come out of my hiding place. He made a comment about what having a Kurt Cobain poster implies about a person, and I felt like choking a bitch. How dare you judge me, you old man. Of course, at the time I didn't know he was an old man. I thought he was just a friend that they all knew who had a deep voice and no shame. He commented on everything, he was very lively. So...hearing them all smoking in the other half of my room, I slid down from my tent and went to my computer. I waited for them to say something. They all looked up, shocked. They had no idea I was in the room. They all start asking me questions like "did you just wake up?" , trying to find out how much I had heard. I answered lethargically until I got the question I was waiting for, "do you want to smoke with us?". I said "kiiiind of", in my little suggesting tone, and everything was solved. He packed me my own bowl in a crack pipe and I inhaled that shit like a pro. It's been too long since I've smoked and I fucking love getting high. I thought I would never like it more than being drunk, but the effects are just so much more obvious and the feeling is just better for me. Plus, I have to drink so much just to get drunk that sometimes it's not even worth it. Too many calories, ya know? So anyway...I stuck around for awhile and then walked around a bit. I joined some people on the balcony and then stopped by the party in Lisa's room. There's always a party in Lisa's room. I told them about the creepy old man who was nice enough to share his pot but still creepy, and she offered her mattress so that I could stay in her room if I didn't want to go back to my room. I was just hoping he'd leave. I had another Smirnoff and chilled with them. Soon it was time to go. I checked if he was still in my room- he was. Two in the morning and he was still there. I was still pretty stoned and I went in the common room and called Alex. He was awake anyway, so I didn't fuck up his sleep.
Note to self: Next to taking a shower, brushing your teeth is the funnest thing to do while stoned. Try it.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Retard
This question asked to a number of people, with the results following: "What's more retarded, not recognizing your own shirt that someone put on backwards or putting someone else's shirt on backwards by mistake?"
KC Deane- "first one. whoever says the second one is one step, no, is retarded."
Blake Mason- "the former"
Joe Hand- "the 1st one"
Gloria Chung- "both" then changed to "not recognizing your own shirt"
Cathy Wehner- "Its a toss up. They are both pretty bad" and then "Lol um ok...not recognizing ur own shirt"
Brandon Edenedo- "i think not recognizing your own shirt"
Tina Hakimian "not recognizing ur own shirt"
London Moore: "you whore, ummmm not recognizing your own!!!"
Michael Sugarman: "putting someone elses on backwards" (He obviously doesn't know what he's talking about)
Jess Covey: "the first one"
Andres Edwards: "Lol ok....not recognizing your own shirt someone put on backwards I guess"
Dave Jackson: "the first one...it's your own shirt"
Tian Yu: "the first one. It's sad if you don't even recognize your own shirt"
Vicky Grinblat: "the first one..."
Alex Fragola: "I think you're both fucking idiots"
Joi Barnett: "dats random...da first one"
Ahlyzik Monroe: "putting somes shirt on backwards cuz w/ the other one, u wudnt be able to tell. I mean it wud be kinda hard to notice a shirt that's oj backwards."
Leah Peterson: "not recognizing your own shirt that someone put on backwards"
Sasha Nemchonok: "i'd say not recognizing your own shirt"
Sam Wessel: "the first one. how do you not recognize your own shirt?"
Aviva Kraus: "the 1st one. actually they're both pretty retarded"
Ray Dennison: "putting it on backwards. not noticing is forgivable". He then changed his mind to "the person who doesn't notice is stupider". Nice move.
Beau Bourne: "1st"
Molly Burke: "putting someone elses shirt on". TRAITOR.
Jesus Mena: "my answer is ot recognizing your own shirt that someone put on backwards"
^^^Jesus! My savior!!!
Arash Gharib/Abdul bin-Hassan al-Jahari: "My answer is going to be the first one"
Note: When people change their answers, it is only because I asked them again when they were indecisive, "If you HAD to choose, then which would it be?"
So here's the story. A couple days before the aforementioned "incident", Alex had given me a shirt. A t-shirt he doesn't wear anymore, nothing special. I was tired, and so I changed into it to wear as a pajama shirt. In my drowsy state, I accidentally put the shirt on backwards. Later, as we were lying in bed, he comments, "I like your shirt". I give him a blank stare and say "It's YOUR shirt". We then realize it's on backwards. But still. It was pretty obviously the shirt he gave me. And, according to the results of my poll, most people agree with me. The answers in italics are the only ones who think I'm a bigger idiot than Alex. Other than that, he's the bigger retard. Case Solved.
KC Deane- "first one. whoever says the second one is one step, no, is retarded."
Blake Mason- "the former"
Joe Hand- "the 1st one"
Gloria Chung- "both" then changed to "not recognizing your own shirt"
Cathy Wehner- "Its a toss up. They are both pretty bad" and then "Lol um ok...not recognizing ur own shirt"
Brandon Edenedo- "i think not recognizing your own shirt"
Tina Hakimian "not recognizing ur own shirt"
London Moore: "you whore, ummmm not recognizing your own!!!"
Michael Sugarman: "putting someone elses on backwards" (He obviously doesn't know what he's talking about)
Jess Covey: "the first one"
Andres Edwards: "Lol ok....not recognizing your own shirt someone put on backwards I guess"
Dave Jackson: "the first one...it's your own shirt"
Tian Yu: "the first one. It's sad if you don't even recognize your own shirt"
Vicky Grinblat: "the first one..."
Alex Fragola: "I think you're both fucking idiots"
Joi Barnett: "dats random...da first one"
Ahlyzik Monroe: "putting somes shirt on backwards cuz w/ the other one, u wudnt be able to tell. I mean it wud be kinda hard to notice a shirt that's oj backwards."
Leah Peterson: "not recognizing your own shirt that someone put on backwards"
Sasha Nemchonok: "i'd say not recognizing your own shirt"
Sam Wessel: "the first one. how do you not recognize your own shirt?"
Aviva Kraus: "the 1st one. actually they're both pretty retarded"
Ray Dennison: "putting it on backwards. not noticing is forgivable". He then changed his mind to "the person who doesn't notice is stupider". Nice move.
Beau Bourne: "1st"
Molly Burke: "putting someone elses shirt on". TRAITOR.
Jesus Mena: "my answer is ot recognizing your own shirt that someone put on backwards"
^^^Jesus! My savior!!!
Arash Gharib/Abdul bin-Hassan al-Jahari: "My answer is going to be the first one"
Note: When people change their answers, it is only because I asked them again when they were indecisive, "If you HAD to choose, then which would it be?"
So here's the story. A couple days before the aforementioned "incident", Alex had given me a shirt. A t-shirt he doesn't wear anymore, nothing special. I was tired, and so I changed into it to wear as a pajama shirt. In my drowsy state, I accidentally put the shirt on backwards. Later, as we were lying in bed, he comments, "I like your shirt". I give him a blank stare and say "It's YOUR shirt". We then realize it's on backwards. But still. It was pretty obviously the shirt he gave me. And, according to the results of my poll, most people agree with me. The answers in italics are the only ones who think I'm a bigger idiot than Alex. Other than that, he's the bigger retard. Case Solved.
Walkin' on Woodstock
waiting at the bus stop...(but not taking the bus)
my love.
also kc's love.
push the button
"oops"
puddles...
can you guess who I'm talking to?
looks like a serious conversation
grabbing the tree's nipple
can she fit in the mini door?
more breasts
trying to move the cemented bike rack thingie
it just wouldn't budge
kc got buttraped
I talk to God
my love.
also kc's love.
push the button
"oops"
puddles...
can you guess who I'm talking to?
looks like a serious conversation
grabbing the tree's nipple
can she fit in the mini door?
more breasts
trying to move the cemented bike rack thingie
it just wouldn't budge
kc got buttraped
I talk to God
Reed again
I just woke up from an eleven hour nap. Ok, I didn't really mean to fall asleep the entire night. I was resting in my loft that I missed so dearly, and I guess I just drifted off. Fully dressed. I didn't even take off my bra. i walked out of my room 5 minutes ago to go to the bathroom and the first thing I see is Luis' whiteboard which says "Gone Trippin'". How did I end up in such a druggie school? Genius druggies...but druggies all the same. I came home yesterday to the familiar smell of pot and Ryan has already borrowed my shot glasses. I've been in a sleepy daze since I've gotten home and I feel like I can finally write about it.
Every time I get to Portland, I realize how much I love this place. I began to doubt myself when I was in seventy degree weather in LA, but when I'm here I don't even mind the weather. Here, I don't have a constant battle with my dad or have to worry about what time I get home. I also don't spend even a fraction of the money I spend at home. It's easy to get carried away in LA going to movies and dinner, but here it's not as convenient. And when I say that I mean I don't have a car here. Paying for gas was a bitch. I spent about $200 just on gas over break. That was definitely $200 that I don't have.
Anyway, I'm back. Back and loving it. Even as groggy and dead as I was yesterday, I was happy to be home. As soon as I landed, KC called me to tell me they would be about 20 minutes late to pick me up. I said that's cool, then walked down to the security line where they were waiting for me. Damn liars. I would have run to meet them but my bags were crazy heavy. Lisa took the super heavy bag (therefore she's amazing) and KC took the big light one with my pillow and Alex's blanket in it (not as amazing. Haha I'm joking- I love you.) Jess half-smiled and I wondered why. Probably just a bad day, I thought. But no, I found out later that Dave dumped her that day. More on that to come. I said we're definitely getting drunk tonight. Hah...so much for that. I'll try again tonight. So we drove home in the rain and finally reached campus. My body felt a little lighter as we parked and walked to Mckinley. All I could think about was how much I love this place and these people.
I got to my room and shared my cookies while I started to unpack. I felt like I was on vacation. The rest of this week will be just like summer camp, I know. I love being in my room that really feels like my room instead of my room at home that is really my dad's office and my sister's second room. She spends more time in my room than her own. So now I have at least a couple dressers dividing me from roomates and a door to lock out anyone I don't like. Not like my door is EVER locked. I guess I like everyone...
I have yet to use my new camera, and iPhoto doesn't work. I'm freaking out about that bc I left the other downloading software at home for my mom to mail me. I hope she does it today because I NEED to take pictures and download them. If worst comes to worst, I'll put everything on KC's computer and make a CD to transfer them since I already need lots of her pics anyway. Yeah that works. I need Tiger on my computer. I have so much to do today, mainly consisting of cleaning my room. I looked in my fridge yesterday and found little mold spots, definitely the result of Gina leaving her shit in it over break. I let my roomates use my fridge out of kindness, just like I let them use my vacuum, and both things get ruined. The fridge gets moldy and the vacuum gets clogged with hair. Ugh. Oh well, I love them anyway.
It's not raining right now and THAT is saying something. Commons opens at 11:30 and I'm starving. It only stays open until 5:30 too. That REALLY sucks because I'm not even hungry for dinner by 5:30. I got a bag of chips yesterday, courtesy of Kacey Deane. I have 18 days to catch up in my Jon Stewart Calendar. OK...I think I've written enough random bullshit. No wait, I have more...
I am mourning the temporary loss of my love. I painted my nails black, sang Amazing Grace and went to Church. Ok, only one of those is true. Hint: It's not church. Anyway, I miss Alex. It's hard being away from him after all the time we spent together. I'm not going to talk about it now because I know it will only get me depressed. And Reed is for HAPPY PEOPLE!
P.S. Send me our secret pictures, baby!
Every time I get to Portland, I realize how much I love this place. I began to doubt myself when I was in seventy degree weather in LA, but when I'm here I don't even mind the weather. Here, I don't have a constant battle with my dad or have to worry about what time I get home. I also don't spend even a fraction of the money I spend at home. It's easy to get carried away in LA going to movies and dinner, but here it's not as convenient. And when I say that I mean I don't have a car here. Paying for gas was a bitch. I spent about $200 just on gas over break. That was definitely $200 that I don't have.
Anyway, I'm back. Back and loving it. Even as groggy and dead as I was yesterday, I was happy to be home. As soon as I landed, KC called me to tell me they would be about 20 minutes late to pick me up. I said that's cool, then walked down to the security line where they were waiting for me. Damn liars. I would have run to meet them but my bags were crazy heavy. Lisa took the super heavy bag (therefore she's amazing) and KC took the big light one with my pillow and Alex's blanket in it (not as amazing. Haha I'm joking- I love you.) Jess half-smiled and I wondered why. Probably just a bad day, I thought. But no, I found out later that Dave dumped her that day. More on that to come. I said we're definitely getting drunk tonight. Hah...so much for that. I'll try again tonight. So we drove home in the rain and finally reached campus. My body felt a little lighter as we parked and walked to Mckinley. All I could think about was how much I love this place and these people.
I got to my room and shared my cookies while I started to unpack. I felt like I was on vacation. The rest of this week will be just like summer camp, I know. I love being in my room that really feels like my room instead of my room at home that is really my dad's office and my sister's second room. She spends more time in my room than her own. So now I have at least a couple dressers dividing me from roomates and a door to lock out anyone I don't like. Not like my door is EVER locked. I guess I like everyone...
I have yet to use my new camera, and iPhoto doesn't work. I'm freaking out about that bc I left the other downloading software at home for my mom to mail me. I hope she does it today because I NEED to take pictures and download them. If worst comes to worst, I'll put everything on KC's computer and make a CD to transfer them since I already need lots of her pics anyway. Yeah that works. I need Tiger on my computer. I have so much to do today, mainly consisting of cleaning my room. I looked in my fridge yesterday and found little mold spots, definitely the result of Gina leaving her shit in it over break. I let my roomates use my fridge out of kindness, just like I let them use my vacuum, and both things get ruined. The fridge gets moldy and the vacuum gets clogged with hair. Ugh. Oh well, I love them anyway.
It's not raining right now and THAT is saying something. Commons opens at 11:30 and I'm starving. It only stays open until 5:30 too. That REALLY sucks because I'm not even hungry for dinner by 5:30. I got a bag of chips yesterday, courtesy of Kacey Deane. I have 18 days to catch up in my Jon Stewart Calendar. OK...I think I've written enough random bullshit. No wait, I have more...
I am mourning the temporary loss of my love. I painted my nails black, sang Amazing Grace and went to Church. Ok, only one of those is true. Hint: It's not church. Anyway, I miss Alex. It's hard being away from him after all the time we spent together. I'm not going to talk about it now because I know it will only get me depressed. And Reed is for HAPPY PEOPLE!
P.S. Send me our secret pictures, baby!
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Quote Me
Winter break is coming to a close in LA, so I think I should share some of the memorable moments that I've enjoyed with my good friends and will cherish until I return in the summer. Without any further ado, here are some good quotes of the vacation:
Molly: "did you know there's a third pedal down there called a clutch?"
What you need for an abortion: a coat hanger (Molly), stairs (me) and a watermelon slice (Birte).
The other day Ava says to me: "you know how the place between Arrowhead and Big Bear is called Arrowbear- why don't they call it Bighead?"
Alex, pointing at the sky: "Look at the sun"
Me: "It's ten at night. I doubt that's the sun. I think it's called the moon."
Me: "OOOH I forgot to tell him where I parked his car..."
Alex: "Chip! You're thinking of Chip! What the fuck!"
Chad: "Penis penis penis!"
Molly: "did you know there's a third pedal down there called a clutch?"
What you need for an abortion: a coat hanger (Molly), stairs (me) and a watermelon slice (Birte).
The other day Ava says to me: "you know how the place between Arrowhead and Big Bear is called Arrowbear- why don't they call it Bighead?"
Alex, pointing at the sky: "Look at the sun"
Me: "It's ten at night. I doubt that's the sun. I think it's called the moon."
Me: "OOOH I forgot to tell him where I parked his car..."
Alex: "Chip! You're thinking of Chip! What the fuck!"
Chad: "Penis penis penis!"
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Babysitting Spidermen
(click on them to see full-size Spiderman action shots...with a touch of Star Wars mixed in...)
Technically it's Saturday.
But I don't believe in moving on to the next day until I sleep, so it's still Friday night. Surprisingly, I'm not tired. I was dead tired driving home from babysitting but now I am wide awake. If only I could have driven safely instead of taking mini naps at every red light, and been tired now. I hate being the only one awake in the middle of the night with nothing to do.
I'm so relieved to be done with work. That means I can go get my paycheck cashed and see some of the effort I've put in this vacation. Tomorrow, Molly and Steven (Alex's cousin) and I are hanging out at Alex's house. Or should I say mansion? What kind of house has rooms FULL of tables set up year-round? Tomorrow I want to get fucked up on the huge collection of alcohol I saw in the kitchen and Steven's stash and play pool and watch movies and just have fun. As my last Saturday here, it better be worthwhile- especially since my mom wants to do stuff with the family Sunday and Monday. I'm dreading the "money talk" that my dad keeps talking about. And we really have to talk about the accident and what I'll do regarding that. And then I leave Tuesday! I can hardly believe it- it's so close. This break really rocketed by me. I feel like I've done nothing. But I've had an amazing time in the process though, and built up so many new memories.
I'm so relieved to be done with work. That means I can go get my paycheck cashed and see some of the effort I've put in this vacation. Tomorrow, Molly and Steven (Alex's cousin) and I are hanging out at Alex's house. Or should I say mansion? What kind of house has rooms FULL of tables set up year-round? Tomorrow I want to get fucked up on the huge collection of alcohol I saw in the kitchen and Steven's stash and play pool and watch movies and just have fun. As my last Saturday here, it better be worthwhile- especially since my mom wants to do stuff with the family Sunday and Monday. I'm dreading the "money talk" that my dad keeps talking about. And we really have to talk about the accident and what I'll do regarding that. And then I leave Tuesday! I can hardly believe it- it's so close. This break really rocketed by me. I feel like I've done nothing. But I've had an amazing time in the process though, and built up so many new memories.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Survey- because you want to know
I don't know why but I just had a sudden urge for a survey. Birte always has good surveys so I checked her myspace and found this. I better start before I get too excited.
2005: the year in review
1. What did you do in 2005 that you've never done before?
College. Boyfriend. Love. Shrooms. Leaving LA for more than a month.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
What resolutions? We all know I wouldn't keep them anyway.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I did. Twice.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. Thanks for reminding me.
5. What countries did you visit?
Portland. (Yes it is a country on its own)
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Alex in my bed every night.
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 29th, the beginning of my new life at Reed.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Writing the check to my dad to help pay for my fucking expensive education. That took guts, initiative and stupidity.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Ask my parents, they can tell you alllll about them.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
All the time. Mainly emotional.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Star Wars Monopoly- Saga Edition. Can't wait to play tonight!!!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ava. She's starting to get her shit together in school and I'm honestly, genuinely proud. I think she'll turn out better than I thought.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Sarah, appalled. Birte, depessed. I'm just being honest.
14. Where did most of your money go?
The Bins.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Reed mother fucking College. Alex coming to visit me. Coming home for Christmas.
16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Spoon- I Turn my Camera on
She Wants Revenge- Tear you Apart
Elliott Smith- Say Yes
Local H- Bound for the Floor (aka the Copacetic song)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? both at times. overall, I'm happier now that I am in love. I never would have predicted that.
b) thinner or fatter? ugh. we won't speak of this.
c) richer or poorer? faaaar poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Studying. Reading for Hum.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Crying.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with the family. I waited all day for Alex but he never showed.
21. How will you be spending New Years?
I spent it in Big Bear with Alex and the family. FUNNN!
22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
maybe...(you know what my maybes mean)
23. How many one-night stands?
shhh.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Desperate Housewives or CSI or Boston Legal.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I guess. We know who it is.
26. What was the best book you read?
Plato's Republic. Just kidding. I'm smarter than the Greeks.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
EVERYTHING Alex has opened my eyes to.
28. What did you want and get?
A new camera. Hallelujah.
29. What did you want and not get?
Alex moving to Oregon NOW.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really don't even know. King Kong? Nah. I don't know.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to see Dane Cook at the Laugh Factory I think, and I turned 18. They didn't even card me.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Money. lots and lots and lots of money.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
More layers now that I live closer to the North pole.
34. What kept you sane?
Malka and KC Deane. (You two don't even know how much I need you and how much you've helped me since I've met you.) Trips to commons at night to get cookies and hot chocolate. Naps.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ahhnold. Not really. Barack Obama!!!! (He's mine, KC)
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Uhh. Those big important ones that I paid attention to all year. Yeah those.
37. Who did you miss?
Mostly Ulrika, Mena, Fragola Beans, Birte, maybe the family, everyone at Reed when I'm in LA. I missed YOU.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
The list is too long. Everyone I know at Reed. I still don't know how it is fair for the rest of the world to have sooooo many incredible, intelligent, fascinating people in such a small area. I feel bad for the rest of the world.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Malka always gets the pomegranate.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
You stole my caution cone.
THE END.
2005: the year in review
1. What did you do in 2005 that you've never done before?
College. Boyfriend. Love. Shrooms. Leaving LA for more than a month.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
What resolutions? We all know I wouldn't keep them anyway.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I did. Twice.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. Thanks for reminding me.
5. What countries did you visit?
Portland. (Yes it is a country on its own)
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Alex in my bed every night.
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 29th, the beginning of my new life at Reed.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Writing the check to my dad to help pay for my fucking expensive education. That took guts, initiative and stupidity.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Ask my parents, they can tell you alllll about them.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
All the time. Mainly emotional.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Star Wars Monopoly- Saga Edition. Can't wait to play tonight!!!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ava. She's starting to get her shit together in school and I'm honestly, genuinely proud. I think she'll turn out better than I thought.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Sarah, appalled. Birte, depessed. I'm just being honest.
14. Where did most of your money go?
The Bins.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Reed mother fucking College. Alex coming to visit me. Coming home for Christmas.
16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Spoon- I Turn my Camera on
She Wants Revenge- Tear you Apart
Elliott Smith- Say Yes
Local H- Bound for the Floor (aka the Copacetic song)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? both at times. overall, I'm happier now that I am in love. I never would have predicted that.
b) thinner or fatter? ugh. we won't speak of this.
c) richer or poorer? faaaar poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Studying. Reading for Hum.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Crying.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with the family. I waited all day for Alex but he never showed.
21. How will you be spending New Years?
I spent it in Big Bear with Alex and the family. FUNNN!
22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
maybe...(you know what my maybes mean)
23. How many one-night stands?
shhh.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Desperate Housewives or CSI or Boston Legal.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I guess. We know who it is.
26. What was the best book you read?
Plato's Republic. Just kidding. I'm smarter than the Greeks.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
EVERYTHING Alex has opened my eyes to.
28. What did you want and get?
A new camera. Hallelujah.
29. What did you want and not get?
Alex moving to Oregon NOW.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really don't even know. King Kong? Nah. I don't know.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to see Dane Cook at the Laugh Factory I think, and I turned 18. They didn't even card me.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Money. lots and lots and lots of money.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
More layers now that I live closer to the North pole.
34. What kept you sane?
Malka and KC Deane. (You two don't even know how much I need you and how much you've helped me since I've met you.) Trips to commons at night to get cookies and hot chocolate. Naps.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ahhnold. Not really. Barack Obama!!!! (He's mine, KC)
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Uhh. Those big important ones that I paid attention to all year. Yeah those.
37. Who did you miss?
Mostly Ulrika, Mena, Fragola Beans, Birte, maybe the family, everyone at Reed when I'm in LA. I missed YOU.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
The list is too long. Everyone I know at Reed. I still don't know how it is fair for the rest of the world to have sooooo many incredible, intelligent, fascinating people in such a small area. I feel bad for the rest of the world.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Malka always gets the pomegranate.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
You stole my caution cone.
THE END.
Burnin' Down the House
I almost died today.
I went to take a shower this morning and I turn on the heater in my freezing bathroom. I do a few other things and then put the towel that was in my towel's place on the towel rack instead of on the door where I like mine. I get in the shower and do my thang. I start to smell burning toast and I'm like "GOD, that person should really stop burning toast. Then I see some smoke in the bathroom and I'm like "OH SHIT where could that be coming from?" so I get out and see that massive amounts of smoke are rising from the towel that I placed on the rack by the heater. I rush to take it off the heater and see half of the towel burnt to a crisp. Not on fire, THANK GOD, but burnt. Apparently the towel rack is not a good place to put your towel when the heater's on. I just want to know what kind of idiot decided to put a towel rack so close to the heater where you can't resist burning your towels. So I took the towel and hid it in my room. That will take some explaining. Maybe I can dump it out somewhere and never tell them. I hope the house doesn't smell like smoke when they get home.
On a better note, I've decided that I have the most adorable boyfriend in the world. Like I said before, he just got his braces off yesterday. He could not stop smiling and checking himself out in the mirror. He's so cute I can't stand it. There is no way to even attempt to resist him now. He looks amazing and his teeth are perfect. My dental hygienist mom would be so proud. Everything is perfect now. I couldn't be more in love and I hate that I have to leave him in roughly five days, but it's the only way. I fucking love that boy.
PS- I should add that my phone was on vibrate yesterday and I didn't hear any of those calls until I realized I had 100 messages this morning (I may be exaggerating a tiny bit) sooo I'm sorry everyone, mainly Alex.
I went to take a shower this morning and I turn on the heater in my freezing bathroom. I do a few other things and then put the towel that was in my towel's place on the towel rack instead of on the door where I like mine. I get in the shower and do my thang. I start to smell burning toast and I'm like "GOD, that person should really stop burning toast. Then I see some smoke in the bathroom and I'm like "OH SHIT where could that be coming from?" so I get out and see that massive amounts of smoke are rising from the towel that I placed on the rack by the heater. I rush to take it off the heater and see half of the towel burnt to a crisp. Not on fire, THANK GOD, but burnt. Apparently the towel rack is not a good place to put your towel when the heater's on. I just want to know what kind of idiot decided to put a towel rack so close to the heater where you can't resist burning your towels. So I took the towel and hid it in my room. That will take some explaining. Maybe I can dump it out somewhere and never tell them. I hope the house doesn't smell like smoke when they get home.
On a better note, I've decided that I have the most adorable boyfriend in the world. Like I said before, he just got his braces off yesterday. He could not stop smiling and checking himself out in the mirror. He's so cute I can't stand it. There is no way to even attempt to resist him now. He looks amazing and his teeth are perfect. My dental hygienist mom would be so proud. Everything is perfect now. I couldn't be more in love and I hate that I have to leave him in roughly five days, but it's the only way. I fucking love that boy.
PS- I should add that my phone was on vibrate yesterday and I didn't hear any of those calls until I realized I had 100 messages this morning (I may be exaggerating a tiny bit) sooo I'm sorry everyone, mainly Alex.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
A la Carte, Menage et Trois, same thing...
The last few days have been interesting. With Alex, I ate pizza with ranch, was called homeless by some kids and then later followed George Castanza into a candy shop. And when I say George Castanza I mean Jason Alexander. The guy who married Britney Spears in Las Vegas. Yeah. I played Halo 2 and kicked Alex's ass. 11 times. I am master of the Halo, mwahahahaha! We went to see the Producers and I fell in love with the teal dress. I saw his mansion and made plans to bring Ulrika this weekend. We had Jack in the Crack in the park and La Salsa/Noah's Bagels at my house. The Noah's Bagels only got stuck in there because he thinks he's too good for his own country. So I ate mexican and he ate american- ironic?
With Ulrika, I had Sunday night dinner with the Burkes and saw Kerry dancing half naked. We realized Kerry has completed more school than her older brother KC. And she's a junior in high school. Michael made out with the long haired excited man who practically jumped on me to see Kerry's 11 year old booty shake. Mike's friend Tice was a "Cool New Person" on Myspace and so got 70,000 hits in the first 3 days being on myspace. Mike and I decided if either of us left our girlfriends, we'd bang each other. Molly I know you loved reading that. We swam in her 1000 degree pool and she made me a Bob Marley painting. Her cell phone got disconnected and her apartment phone sucks.
With the other Alex, my ghetto fabulous Alex, I went to a Clippers game. We bumped that gangsta shit in the car, getting priceless looks from all the passing black men. They loved us. In an "oh my god look at those crazy white girls" way. The Clippers won but we barely noticed because we were spending so much time taking pictures of ourselves and dancing to the short, censored rap clips that they play to keep the audience's attention. I ate the best caramel apple of my life which I told Alex not to get me but she did anyway. And that is why I love the bitch. We went back to USC (or UCLA as Mena calls it) and took our chances walking without a bodyguard back to her dorm. Her roomate moved out (which is understandable, I mean who would want to live with Alex with all those boys passing through all the time?)but I can handle it so I decided to move in. Tonight maybe.
With Ava, I got in a car accident. While I was turning left onto Sunset, this lady in a Lexus SUV wasn't looking and turned right into the same lane and bumped my baby BU BERY. I honked but she still didn't see me. Ugh. So that became an unnecessary drama that I still need to deal with. I'm wearing her muffinfilms.com shirt right now and she doesn't know. I haven't even seen any muffin films.
Alex gets his braces off today. Which is good but sad. I love his braces but I guess it's time. I wonder how he'll look with them off. He'll think his teeth feel slimy, it happens to everyone.
So there were no comments on my last few posts for quite awhile and I was starting to get a little worried. I thought, NO ONE LOVES ME!!! And then I realized that I turned comment modification on accidentally and that all my comments were waiting to be approved. Of course they all were. I don't believe in censorship.
Anyay, I'm back and better than ever. Coming to take the world by storm. I can't wait to be back in Portland and away from my dad's bullshit. I can't wait to see all my lovers in Portland, from KC to Malka, Jess and Dave, Ray, all the boys and all the girls who I won't name because I love them all and don't want to leave anyone out accidentally. Well I love you guys and I'm ready to come home. If only I could take just the parts of LA that I love with me...
With Ulrika, I had Sunday night dinner with the Burkes and saw Kerry dancing half naked. We realized Kerry has completed more school than her older brother KC. And she's a junior in high school. Michael made out with the long haired excited man who practically jumped on me to see Kerry's 11 year old booty shake. Mike's friend Tice was a "Cool New Person" on Myspace and so got 70,000 hits in the first 3 days being on myspace. Mike and I decided if either of us left our girlfriends, we'd bang each other. Molly I know you loved reading that. We swam in her 1000 degree pool and she made me a Bob Marley painting. Her cell phone got disconnected and her apartment phone sucks.
With the other Alex, my ghetto fabulous Alex, I went to a Clippers game. We bumped that gangsta shit in the car, getting priceless looks from all the passing black men. They loved us. In an "oh my god look at those crazy white girls" way. The Clippers won but we barely noticed because we were spending so much time taking pictures of ourselves and dancing to the short, censored rap clips that they play to keep the audience's attention. I ate the best caramel apple of my life which I told Alex not to get me but she did anyway. And that is why I love the bitch. We went back to USC (or UCLA as Mena calls it) and took our chances walking without a bodyguard back to her dorm. Her roomate moved out (which is understandable, I mean who would want to live with Alex with all those boys passing through all the time?)but I can handle it so I decided to move in. Tonight maybe.
With Ava, I got in a car accident. While I was turning left onto Sunset, this lady in a Lexus SUV wasn't looking and turned right into the same lane and bumped my baby BU BERY. I honked but she still didn't see me. Ugh. So that became an unnecessary drama that I still need to deal with. I'm wearing her muffinfilms.com shirt right now and she doesn't know. I haven't even seen any muffin films.
Alex gets his braces off today. Which is good but sad. I love his braces but I guess it's time. I wonder how he'll look with them off. He'll think his teeth feel slimy, it happens to everyone.
So there were no comments on my last few posts for quite awhile and I was starting to get a little worried. I thought, NO ONE LOVES ME!!! And then I realized that I turned comment modification on accidentally and that all my comments were waiting to be approved. Of course they all were. I don't believe in censorship.
Anyay, I'm back and better than ever. Coming to take the world by storm. I can't wait to be back in Portland and away from my dad's bullshit. I can't wait to see all my lovers in Portland, from KC to Malka, Jess and Dave, Ray, all the boys and all the girls who I won't name because I love them all and don't want to leave anyone out accidentally. Well I love you guys and I'm ready to come home. If only I could take just the parts of LA that I love with me...
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Friday, January 06, 2006
Raindrops on Roses
After a conversation with KC, I miss home even more. I hope we're clear by now that home is Reed College and not my parents' house in Los Angeles. I miss hearing her sprinting down the hall and jumping onto my 30-foot loft bed. I even miss that pain in the ass of a bed. I miss my computer, my balcony, seeing my breath in the freezing weather and most of all the 24/7 aroma of pot. I miss my dorm that ALWAYS reeks of grass even though I barely smoke now. I miss sporatically bumping into people on acid or mushrooms or mescalin (or another creation of their own) and walking into the bathroom in the middle of the night only to find music blasting and a bunch of drunk dormies. I miss it all. I'd even be okay being back in class just so I can get all the things I love.
I love my family- don't get me wrong, but there's only so much of them that I can take. Even when I'm here, I don't see them very much. I work all day and then come home to kick Ava out of my room. We eat dinner, watch a movie if we're lucky, but even that is rare. We don't have much time just as a family. I'm always going out and not coming back until after they're asleep. So today we made it family day. Why does family day have to be on a Friday, of all days? I should be out having fun. But recently I feel like I've lost the capacity for having fun. I really wanted to hang out with Molly but Long Beach is fucking far and I just wasn't up for it. I've spent so much money on gas. And work really drains me of energy- every day I want to just come home and take a nap. My mom wanted to make cookies and watch a movie, and so we did. It was this boring black and white movie, I don't even remember what it was about. She also thought it would be fun (or funny?) to look at pictures of Alex in my old yearbooks. He looks like such a nerd. And at least 10 years younger than he should be. Sorry Alex, it's true. Usually I blow my mom off and tell her we'll hang out later, because as bad as it sounds, my friends matter more than family, but this time I gave in. And I know Molly isn't happy about it, since we haven't spent enough time together at all, but we'll make something work. If not tonight or tomorrow, then Sunday and all next week. There's been a lot of bad timing keeping us apart- work schedules and little out of town trips, and I knew one of us would get fed up sooner or later when it didn't work out perfectly. I'm pretty patient though- I think I'm more optimistic than anyone gives me credit for. I'm supposed to be a pessimist but I fell like everything will work out as it should in the end, even with difficulties on the way. I still want to go to the MOCA Ecstacy exhibit stoned. It was amazing normally, and I can only imagine what an altered state of mind will do to my perception of the art. And maybe I'll plan another movie night, or trip somewhere that doesn't cost money. The beach maybe? Who knows.
Random thought: My leg itches and I'm not sure if it's from a spider bite or if I'm starting to get the possible full-body rash that can be a side effect of the new acne meds I've just been put on. That was probably too much information. But I'm worried, to say the least, that I'm gonna look like a walking sunburn.
I've been thinking, is it really so wrong that I enjoy my own company more than the people who don't like me? I'm not talking about Alex 1 or Alex 2 or Ulrika, but everyone else who was supposed to be my friend. None of them are real friends- they don't give a shit about me at all. And I honestly don't care to spend time with those people. It's not even fun with them. I don't want to play poker with people who either secretly or openly dislike me, and I don't think I should. I'd rather be with the few people who I love than a group of the rest of them.
I love my family- don't get me wrong, but there's only so much of them that I can take. Even when I'm here, I don't see them very much. I work all day and then come home to kick Ava out of my room. We eat dinner, watch a movie if we're lucky, but even that is rare. We don't have much time just as a family. I'm always going out and not coming back until after they're asleep. So today we made it family day. Why does family day have to be on a Friday, of all days? I should be out having fun. But recently I feel like I've lost the capacity for having fun. I really wanted to hang out with Molly but Long Beach is fucking far and I just wasn't up for it. I've spent so much money on gas. And work really drains me of energy- every day I want to just come home and take a nap. My mom wanted to make cookies and watch a movie, and so we did. It was this boring black and white movie, I don't even remember what it was about. She also thought it would be fun (or funny?) to look at pictures of Alex in my old yearbooks. He looks like such a nerd. And at least 10 years younger than he should be. Sorry Alex, it's true. Usually I blow my mom off and tell her we'll hang out later, because as bad as it sounds, my friends matter more than family, but this time I gave in. And I know Molly isn't happy about it, since we haven't spent enough time together at all, but we'll make something work. If not tonight or tomorrow, then Sunday and all next week. There's been a lot of bad timing keeping us apart- work schedules and little out of town trips, and I knew one of us would get fed up sooner or later when it didn't work out perfectly. I'm pretty patient though- I think I'm more optimistic than anyone gives me credit for. I'm supposed to be a pessimist but I fell like everything will work out as it should in the end, even with difficulties on the way. I still want to go to the MOCA Ecstacy exhibit stoned. It was amazing normally, and I can only imagine what an altered state of mind will do to my perception of the art. And maybe I'll plan another movie night, or trip somewhere that doesn't cost money. The beach maybe? Who knows.
Random thought: My leg itches and I'm not sure if it's from a spider bite or if I'm starting to get the possible full-body rash that can be a side effect of the new acne meds I've just been put on. That was probably too much information. But I'm worried, to say the least, that I'm gonna look like a walking sunburn.
I've been thinking, is it really so wrong that I enjoy my own company more than the people who don't like me? I'm not talking about Alex 1 or Alex 2 or Ulrika, but everyone else who was supposed to be my friend. None of them are real friends- they don't give a shit about me at all. And I honestly don't care to spend time with those people. It's not even fun with them. I don't want to play poker with people who either secretly or openly dislike me, and I don't think I should. I'd rather be with the few people who I love than a group of the rest of them.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
misanthrope
So I have this problem. I don't like people- talking to them, looking at them, getting or giving information to them, the works. It's really a problem because it makes me procrastinate when I need to tell someone something important. Like the fact that I have to leave work early today to make my dermatologist appointment on time. I really should fill in my boss with these details. And I should really tell my mom that I purposely left the chili at home because I'm planning on having lunch with Alex. I should tell her she shouldn't get me a sandwich at Pavilions for that same reason, but i'm thinking that maybe I can save the sandwich and share it with him later. Yes that works.
I wish I had the energy to expand more on my antisocialist behavior but I feel pretty damn uninspired right now. Maybe I'll go eat some pretzels.
I wish I had the energy to expand more on my antisocialist behavior but I feel pretty damn uninspired right now. Maybe I'll go eat some pretzels.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
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