Walkin' on Woodstock

waiting at the bus stop...(but not taking the bus)

my love.

also kc's love.

push the button

"oops"

puddles...

can you guess who I'm talking to?

looks like a serious conversation

grabbing the tree's nipple

can she fit in the mini door?

more breasts

trying to move the cemented bike rack thingie

it just wouldn't budge

kc got buttraped

I talk to God

Reed again

I just woke up from an eleven hour nap. Ok, I didn't really mean to fall asleep the entire night. I was resting in my loft that I missed so dearly, and I guess I just drifted off. Fully dressed. I didn't even take off my bra. i walked out of my room 5 minutes ago to go to the bathroom and the first thing I see is Luis' whiteboard which says "Gone Trippin'". How did I end up in such a druggie school? Genius druggies...but druggies all the same. I came home yesterday to the familiar smell of pot and Ryan has already borrowed my shot glasses. I've been in a sleepy daze since I've gotten home and I feel like I can finally write about it.

Every time I get to Portland, I realize how much I love this place. I began to doubt myself when I was in seventy degree weather in LA, but when I'm here I don't even mind the weather. Here, I don't have a constant battle with my dad or have to worry about what time I get home. I also don't spend even a fraction of the money I spend at home. It's easy to get carried away in LA going to movies and dinner, but here it's not as convenient. And when I say that I mean I don't have a car here. Paying for gas was a bitch. I spent about $200 just on gas over break. That was definitely $200 that I don't have.

Anyway, I'm back. Back and loving it. Even as groggy and dead as I was yesterday, I was happy to be home. As soon as I landed, KC called me to tell me they would be about 20 minutes late to pick me up. I said that's cool, then walked down to the security line where they were waiting for me. Damn liars. I would have run to meet them but my bags were crazy heavy. Lisa took the super heavy bag (therefore she's amazing) and KC took the big light one with my pillow and Alex's blanket in it (not as amazing. Haha I'm joking- I love you.) Jess half-smiled and I wondered why. Probably just a bad day, I thought. But no, I found out later that Dave dumped her that day. More on that to come. I said we're definitely getting drunk tonight. Hah...so much for that. I'll try again tonight. So we drove home in the rain and finally reached campus. My body felt a little lighter as we parked and walked to Mckinley. All I could think about was how much I love this place and these people.

I got to my room and shared my cookies while I started to unpack. I felt like I was on vacation. The rest of this week will be just like summer camp, I know. I love being in my room that really feels like my room instead of my room at home that is really my dad's office and my sister's second room. She spends more time in my room than her own. So now I have at least a couple dressers dividing me from roomates and a door to lock out anyone I don't like. Not like my door is EVER locked. I guess I like everyone...

I have yet to use my new camera, and iPhoto doesn't work. I'm freaking out about that bc I left the other downloading software at home for my mom to mail me. I hope she does it today because I NEED to take pictures and download them. If worst comes to worst, I'll put everything on KC's computer and make a CD to transfer them since I already need lots of her pics anyway. Yeah that works. I need Tiger on my computer. I have so much to do today, mainly consisting of cleaning my room. I looked in my fridge yesterday and found little mold spots, definitely the result of Gina leaving her shit in it over break. I let my roomates use my fridge out of kindness, just like I let them use my vacuum, and both things get ruined. The fridge gets moldy and the vacuum gets clogged with hair. Ugh. Oh well, I love them anyway.

It's not raining right now and THAT is saying something. Commons opens at 11:30 and I'm starving. It only stays open until 5:30 too. That REALLY sucks because I'm not even hungry for dinner by 5:30. I got a bag of chips yesterday, courtesy of Kacey Deane. I have 18 days to catch up in my Jon Stewart Calendar. OK...I think I've written enough random bullshit. No wait, I have more...

I am mourning the temporary loss of my love. I painted my nails black, sang Amazing Grace and went to Church. Ok, only one of those is true. Hint: It's not church. Anyway, I miss Alex. It's hard being away from him after all the time we spent together. I'm not going to talk about it now because I know it will only get me depressed. And Reed is for HAPPY PEOPLE!

P.S. Send me our secret pictures, baby!

Gee-tar

Quote Me

Winter break is coming to a close in LA, so I think I should share some of the memorable moments that I've enjoyed with my good friends and will cherish until I return in the summer. Without any further ado, here are some good quotes of the vacation:


Molly: "did you know there's a third pedal down there called a clutch?"

What you need for an abortion: a coat hanger (Molly), stairs (me) and a watermelon slice (Birte).

The other day Ava says to me: "you know how the place between Arrowhead and Big Bear is called Arrowbear- why don't they call it Bighead?"

Alex, pointing at the sky: "Look at the sun"
Me: "It's ten at night. I doubt that's the sun. I think it's called the moon."

Me: "OOOH I forgot to tell him where I parked his car..."
Alex: "Chip! You're thinking of Chip! What the fuck!"

Chad: "Penis penis penis!"

Babysitting Spidermen

(click on them to see full-size Spiderman action shots...with a touch of Star Wars mixed in...)

Technically it's Saturday.

But I don't believe in moving on to the next day until I sleep, so it's still Friday night. Surprisingly, I'm not tired. I was dead tired driving home from babysitting but now I am wide awake. If only I could have driven safely instead of taking mini naps at every red light, and been tired now. I hate being the only one awake in the middle of the night with nothing to do.

I'm so relieved to be done with work. That means I can go get my paycheck cashed and see some of the effort I've put in this vacation. Tomorrow, Molly and Steven (Alex's cousin) and I are hanging out at Alex's house. Or should I say mansion? What kind of house has rooms FULL of tables set up year-round? Tomorrow I want to get fucked up on the huge collection of alcohol I saw in the kitchen and Steven's stash and play pool and watch movies and just have fun. As my last Saturday here, it better be worthwhile- especially since my mom wants to do stuff with the family Sunday and Monday. I'm dreading the "money talk" that my dad keeps talking about. And we really have to talk about the accident and what I'll do regarding that. And then I leave Tuesday! I can hardly believe it- it's so close. This break really rocketed by me. I feel like I've done nothing. But I've had an amazing time in the process though, and built up so many new memories.

Survey- because you want to know

I don't know why but I just had a sudden urge for a survey. Birte always has good surveys so I checked her myspace and found this. I better start before I get too excited.

2005: the year in review


1. What did you do in 2005 that you've never done before?
College. Boyfriend. Love. Shrooms. Leaving LA for more than a month.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
What resolutions? We all know I wouldn't keep them anyway.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I did. Twice.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. Thanks for reminding me.

5. What countries did you visit?
Portland. (Yes it is a country on its own)

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Alex in my bed every night.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 29th, the beginning of my new life at Reed.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Writing the check to my dad to help pay for my fucking expensive education. That took guts, initiative and stupidity.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Ask my parents, they can tell you alllll about them.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
All the time. Mainly emotional.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Star Wars Monopoly- Saga Edition. Can't wait to play tonight!!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ava. She's starting to get her shit together in school and I'm honestly, genuinely proud. I think she'll turn out better than I thought.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Sarah, appalled. Birte, depessed. I'm just being honest.

14. Where did most of your money go?
The Bins.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Reed mother fucking College. Alex coming to visit me. Coming home for Christmas.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Spoon- I Turn my Camera on
She Wants Revenge- Tear you Apart
Elliott Smith- Say Yes
Local H- Bound for the Floor (aka the Copacetic song)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? both at times. overall, I'm happier now that I am in love. I never would have predicted that.
b) thinner or fatter? ugh. we won't speak of this.
c) richer or poorer? faaaar poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Studying. Reading for Hum.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Crying.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with the family. I waited all day for Alex but he never showed.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
I spent it in Big Bear with Alex and the family. FUNNN!

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
maybe...(you know what my maybes mean)

23. How many one-night stands?
shhh.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Desperate Housewives or CSI or Boston Legal.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I guess. We know who it is.

26. What was the best book you read?
Plato's Republic. Just kidding. I'm smarter than the Greeks.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
EVERYTHING Alex has opened my eyes to.

28. What did you want and get?
A new camera. Hallelujah.

29. What did you want and not get?
Alex moving to Oregon NOW.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really don't even know. King Kong? Nah. I don't know.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to see Dane Cook at the Laugh Factory I think, and I turned 18. They didn't even card me.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Money. lots and lots and lots of money.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
More layers now that I live closer to the North pole.

34. What kept you sane?
Malka and KC Deane. (You two don't even know how much I need you and how much you've helped me since I've met you.) Trips to commons at night to get cookies and hot chocolate. Naps.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ahhnold. Not really. Barack Obama!!!! (He's mine, KC)

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Uhh. Those big important ones that I paid attention to all year. Yeah those.

37. Who did you miss?
Mostly Ulrika, Mena, Fragola Beans, Birte, maybe the family, everyone at Reed when I'm in LA. I missed YOU.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
The list is too long. Everyone I know at Reed. I still don't know how it is fair for the rest of the world to have sooooo many incredible, intelligent, fascinating people in such a small area. I feel bad for the rest of the world.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Malka always gets the pomegranate.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
You stole my caution cone.


THE END.

Burnin' Down the House

I almost died today.

I went to take a shower this morning and I turn on the heater in my freezing bathroom. I do a few other things and then put the towel that was in my towel's place on the towel rack instead of on the door where I like mine. I get in the shower and do my thang. I start to smell burning toast and I'm like "GOD, that person should really stop burning toast. Then I see some smoke in the bathroom and I'm like "OH SHIT where could that be coming from?" so I get out and see that massive amounts of smoke are rising from the towel that I placed on the rack by the heater. I rush to take it off the heater and see half of the towel burnt to a crisp. Not on fire, THANK GOD, but burnt. Apparently the towel rack is not a good place to put your towel when the heater's on. I just want to know what kind of idiot decided to put a towel rack so close to the heater where you can't resist burning your towels. So I took the towel and hid it in my room. That will take some explaining. Maybe I can dump it out somewhere and never tell them. I hope the house doesn't smell like smoke when they get home.


On a better note, I've decided that I have the most adorable boyfriend in the world. Like I said before, he just got his braces off yesterday. He could not stop smiling and checking himself out in the mirror. He's so cute I can't stand it. There is no way to even attempt to resist him now. He looks amazing and his teeth are perfect. My dental hygienist mom would be so proud. Everything is perfect now. I couldn't be more in love and I hate that I have to leave him in roughly five days, but it's the only way. I fucking love that boy.

PS- I should add that my phone was on vibrate yesterday and I didn't hear any of those calls until I realized I had 100 messages this morning (I may be exaggerating a tiny bit) sooo I'm sorry everyone, mainly Alex.

A la Carte, Menage et Trois, same thing...

The last few days have been interesting. With Alex, I ate pizza with ranch, was called homeless by some kids and then later followed George Castanza into a candy shop. And when I say George Castanza I mean Jason Alexander. The guy who married Britney Spears in Las Vegas. Yeah. I played Halo 2 and kicked Alex's ass. 11 times. I am master of the Halo, mwahahahaha! We went to see the Producers and I fell in love with the teal dress. I saw his mansion and made plans to bring Ulrika this weekend. We had Jack in the Crack in the park and La Salsa/Noah's Bagels at my house. The Noah's Bagels only got stuck in there because he thinks he's too good for his own country. So I ate mexican and he ate american- ironic?

With Ulrika, I had Sunday night dinner with the Burkes and saw Kerry dancing half naked. We realized Kerry has completed more school than her older brother KC. And she's a junior in high school. Michael made out with the long haired excited man who practically jumped on me to see Kerry's 11 year old booty shake. Mike's friend Tice was a "Cool New Person" on Myspace and so got 70,000 hits in the first 3 days being on myspace. Mike and I decided if either of us left our girlfriends, we'd bang each other. Molly I know you loved reading that. We swam in her 1000 degree pool and she made me a Bob Marley painting. Her cell phone got disconnected and her apartment phone sucks.

With the other Alex, my ghetto fabulous Alex, I went to a Clippers game. We bumped that gangsta shit in the car, getting priceless looks from all the passing black men. They loved us. In an "oh my god look at those crazy white girls" way. The Clippers won but we barely noticed because we were spending so much time taking pictures of ourselves and dancing to the short, censored rap clips that they play to keep the audience's attention. I ate the best caramel apple of my life which I told Alex not to get me but she did anyway. And that is why I love the bitch. We went back to USC (or UCLA as Mena calls it) and took our chances walking without a bodyguard back to her dorm. Her roomate moved out (which is understandable, I mean who would want to live with Alex with all those boys passing through all the time?)but I can handle it so I decided to move in. Tonight maybe.

With Ava, I got in a car accident. While I was turning left onto Sunset, this lady in a Lexus SUV wasn't looking and turned right into the same lane and bumped my baby BU BERY. I honked but she still didn't see me. Ugh. So that became an unnecessary drama that I still need to deal with. I'm wearing her muffinfilms.com shirt right now and she doesn't know. I haven't even seen any muffin films.

Alex gets his braces off today. Which is good but sad. I love his braces but I guess it's time. I wonder how he'll look with them off. He'll think his teeth feel slimy, it happens to everyone.


So there were no comments on my last few posts for quite awhile and I was starting to get a little worried. I thought, NO ONE LOVES ME!!! And then I realized that I turned comment modification on accidentally and that all my comments were waiting to be approved. Of course they all were. I don't believe in censorship.

Anyay, I'm back and better than ever. Coming to take the world by storm. I can't wait to be back in Portland and away from my dad's bullshit. I can't wait to see all my lovers in Portland, from KC to Malka, Jess and Dave, Ray, all the boys and all the girls who I won't name because I love them all and don't want to leave anyone out accidentally. Well I love you guys and I'm ready to come home. If only I could take just the parts of LA that I love with me...

Nerdfest 2006

woop woop!

off to church, mang!

Raindrops on Roses

After a conversation with KC, I miss home even more. I hope we're clear by now that home is Reed College and not my parents' house in Los Angeles. I miss hearing her sprinting down the hall and jumping onto my 30-foot loft bed. I even miss that pain in the ass of a bed. I miss my computer, my balcony, seeing my breath in the freezing weather and most of all the 24/7 aroma of pot. I miss my dorm that ALWAYS reeks of grass even though I barely smoke now. I miss sporatically bumping into people on acid or mushrooms or mescalin (or another creation of their own) and walking into the bathroom in the middle of the night only to find music blasting and a bunch of drunk dormies. I miss it all. I'd even be okay being back in class just so I can get all the things I love.

I love my family- don't get me wrong, but there's only so much of them that I can take. Even when I'm here, I don't see them very much. I work all day and then come home to kick Ava out of my room. We eat dinner, watch a movie if we're lucky, but even that is rare. We don't have much time just as a family. I'm always going out and not coming back until after they're asleep. So today we made it family day. Why does family day have to be on a Friday, of all days? I should be out having fun. But recently I feel like I've lost the capacity for having fun. I really wanted to hang out with Molly but Long Beach is fucking far and I just wasn't up for it. I've spent so much money on gas. And work really drains me of energy- every day I want to just come home and take a nap. My mom wanted to make cookies and watch a movie, and so we did. It was this boring black and white movie, I don't even remember what it was about. She also thought it would be fun (or funny?) to look at pictures of Alex in my old yearbooks. He looks like such a nerd. And at least 10 years younger than he should be. Sorry Alex, it's true. Usually I blow my mom off and tell her we'll hang out later, because as bad as it sounds, my friends matter more than family, but this time I gave in. And I know Molly isn't happy about it, since we haven't spent enough time together at all, but we'll make something work. If not tonight or tomorrow, then Sunday and all next week. There's been a lot of bad timing keeping us apart- work schedules and little out of town trips, and I knew one of us would get fed up sooner or later when it didn't work out perfectly. I'm pretty patient though- I think I'm more optimistic than anyone gives me credit for. I'm supposed to be a pessimist but I fell like everything will work out as it should in the end, even with difficulties on the way. I still want to go to the MOCA Ecstacy exhibit stoned. It was amazing normally, and I can only imagine what an altered state of mind will do to my perception of the art. And maybe I'll plan another movie night, or trip somewhere that doesn't cost money. The beach maybe? Who knows.

Random thought: My leg itches and I'm not sure if it's from a spider bite or if I'm starting to get the possible full-body rash that can be a side effect of the new acne meds I've just been put on. That was probably too much information. But I'm worried, to say the least, that I'm gonna look like a walking sunburn.

I've been thinking, is it really so wrong that I enjoy my own company more than the people who don't like me? I'm not talking about Alex 1 or Alex 2 or Ulrika, but everyone else who was supposed to be my friend. None of them are real friends- they don't give a shit about me at all. And I honestly don't care to spend time with those people. It's not even fun with them. I don't want to play poker with people who either secretly or openly dislike me, and I don't think I should. I'd rather be with the few people who I love than a group of the rest of them.

misanthrope

So I have this problem. I don't like people- talking to them, looking at them, getting or giving information to them, the works. It's really a problem because it makes me procrastinate when I need to tell someone something important. Like the fact that I have to leave work early today to make my dermatologist appointment on time. I really should fill in my boss with these details. And I should really tell my mom that I purposely left the chili at home because I'm planning on having lunch with Alex. I should tell her she shouldn't get me a sandwich at Pavilions for that same reason, but i'm thinking that maybe I can save the sandwich and share it with him later. Yes that works.

I wish I had the energy to expand more on my antisocialist behavior but I feel pretty damn uninspired right now. Maybe I'll go eat some pretzels.

Happy Now, Ulrika?

Alex is fantastic

My Favorite Picture

Counting Down to the New Year in Pictures

oh guess what...

hah that's funny kc, I just got your message...and guess what...it's NOT raining in LA. It rained while I was gone. Right now it's 62 degrees and the high for tomorrow is 71. Jealous? Because in Midlothian, VA it's 35-40 degrees.

I win.


But I still miss you and I'll call you right when I get off work.

And a Happy 2006 it is...

I was listening to the radio this morning and they were talking about the old guy on abc who had a stroke. Was it Regis? I didn't really pay attention...anyway, they got him to do the countdown to midnight on new year's eve while he's clearly incompetent. He says "we've got less than 30 seconds left...28...30...". yeah.

That wasn't really what I wanted to write about. The internet at home isn't working again. Or the heat. At least I've got a mini heater in my room. For once my room is the warmest in the house. I feel really boring lately, especially in my blogs. Who would want to read this? Oh well, sucks for you if you are. I apologize.

There's not much to do at work because the server keeps screwing up. I feel like problems follow me everywhere. At this point I just want to go home. I'm tired. I didn't sleep very well and I want to take a nap. Why can't I be a toddler again and be FORCED to take a nap? Those were the days.

So I'm back from Big Bear. I feel like I haven't spoken to anyone in awhile. I've got a bunch of missed calls to return. (I WILL call you back, I promise!!!) And an iPod to take to the Apple store. I'm still angry that it's broken. Not as much angry AT the person who broke it but just the fact that I can't use it. It would have been very useful in the car to and from Big Bear because we could have all listened through the connector thingie. But it's okay because Alex and I listened to music on his nerd machine. Speaking of nerd things, I'm excited to go to his church rendez-vous on Saturday. A full day of video games...woo hoo!!!