My Favorite Picture

Counting Down to the New Year in Pictures

oh guess what...

hah that's funny kc, I just got your message...and guess what...it's NOT raining in LA. It rained while I was gone. Right now it's 62 degrees and the high for tomorrow is 71. Jealous? Because in Midlothian, VA it's 35-40 degrees.

I win.


But I still miss you and I'll call you right when I get off work.

And a Happy 2006 it is...

I was listening to the radio this morning and they were talking about the old guy on abc who had a stroke. Was it Regis? I didn't really pay attention...anyway, they got him to do the countdown to midnight on new year's eve while he's clearly incompetent. He says "we've got less than 30 seconds left...28...30...". yeah.

That wasn't really what I wanted to write about. The internet at home isn't working again. Or the heat. At least I've got a mini heater in my room. For once my room is the warmest in the house. I feel really boring lately, especially in my blogs. Who would want to read this? Oh well, sucks for you if you are. I apologize.

There's not much to do at work because the server keeps screwing up. I feel like problems follow me everywhere. At this point I just want to go home. I'm tired. I didn't sleep very well and I want to take a nap. Why can't I be a toddler again and be FORCED to take a nap? Those were the days.

So I'm back from Big Bear. I feel like I haven't spoken to anyone in awhile. I've got a bunch of missed calls to return. (I WILL call you back, I promise!!!) And an iPod to take to the Apple store. I'm still angry that it's broken. Not as much angry AT the person who broke it but just the fact that I can't use it. It would have been very useful in the car to and from Big Bear because we could have all listened through the connector thingie. But it's okay because Alex and I listened to music on his nerd machine. Speaking of nerd things, I'm excited to go to his church rendez-vous on Saturday. A full day of video games...woo hoo!!!

Supercalifuckingwhatever

So movie night didn't go as planned. I'm not saying that in a bad way, just different. Instead of having the girls over (and yes, I know I sound 50 saying it like that), it was just Birte and Alex. Frag is sick and probably dying, though I hope not, and Molly is in San Francisco. Birte only stayed for one movie. So it wasn't much of a movie night...but we still had fun.

What I'm REALLY excited for, though, is BIG BEAR. We're leaving right after I get home for work (although I still need to pack...is that a problem?) and head up the mountain. It'll only take a couple hours, and I'll soon be in the cabin that I grew up going to almost every winter. I love that place. I'm happy just thinking about it. And it makes it even better that Alex is going with us. It would be perfect if Ava had a friend to keep her away from me, and if Molly was still coming, but I'm still incredibly excited. I can't forget the yellow sled.

My dad is picking up Alex on his way home from work. I hope it's nice and awkward. Hah. Actually it's kind of weird how much my parents seem to like Alex. Probably because he sucks up to them every chance he gets. He even laughs at my dad's stupid jokes. Or like when my dad puts a stool cushion on his head and thinks it's funny- Alex pretends it is too. Stupido. My mom REALLY likes him though. I don't know why, he's really not that great. Es chiste!!!

I love you...

How's My Driving? Call 1-800-FUC-KOFF

lots of profanity in my blog titles recently, huh? i'm just that kind of girl.

let's review instructions on how to drive while simultaneously making fun of Alex for being a blind idiot. maybe just an idiot.

*disclaimer- I can say that because I love him. That's just how it works.

Anyway...you know how you make a 3-point turn when you have an SUV and you're trying to turn around a small street? Let's say you're parked on one side of the street and have to move your car to the other side because of street cleaning or something like that. And you're turning around, almost at the curb, definitely in need of backing up one more time. But you don't REALLY see the curb even though you know it's there, or you're too lazy to back up. So you first scrape the curb a little. You realize that you're almost up the curb. You keep going. You run over the curb for the entire length of the car and leave black tire marks all along the curb. Finally, your car gracefully thumps down from the curb and back into the street. You ask, "Did I just run over the curb?" You're an idiot.



Yeah. That's what you get for making fun of me when I parked on Molly's hill next to her car so that no cars could pass through.

yo what the fuuuck, man

There are some things I just love, some things that make me warm for no apparent reason. Like when I get in the car and turn on the radio and one of my favorite songs is on. Or pumpkin ice cream that only comes around once a year. I'll miss it dearly. Then there are some weird things, like when you make a bunch of copies of something and the paper is warm. I love holding a great big stack of warm paper. Yeah that's weird. But I'm at work and what else is there to be excited about? Not much. I love freshly cut flowers. I'm not even trying to be cliche, there's just something about a bright pink and red bouquet that makes me happy. I can't help but smile when my mom gives me a pot of flowers for Christmas.

I've been eating ALL of my boss' pretzels. I wonder if he notices. He'll understand- I have to eat to survive!

Tonight I hear there's a bonfire at Dockweiler beach. I should go so I can reminisce about the old days. Back when we used to smoke a joint in the car on the way there and then smoke some more at the beach and create gigantic roaring fires that jump out of the pit and almost burn people. Oh, good times.

I should finish Ulrika's blanket soon. Tomorrow I want to have a movie day at my house with good people. Not too many people. Maybe just Fragola and Bird. I'll see.

And then...Friday afternoon we leave for our cabin in Big Bear. And by "we", I mean mother, father, sister (and maybe her friend), my lover and myself. We're staying until Sunday or Monday or something. I should know that...oh well. Alex almost cancelled on me but I said OH NO BITCH. So I set the boy straight.

I'm in such a weird mood right now. Can you tell? Maybe it's the caffeine. Yes, I'm living on diet coke and pretzels again. mm mm good.

'Tis the Season

So I haven't blogged in awhile. I'm sorry. It was a combination of being too busy and having computer/internet problems. Hopefully that's all fixed now. It's kind of dumb feeling like I owe my blog an apology for ignoring it for a couple days. I did the same thing with my diary when I kept one. That's even crazier- at least people read my blog. Well I never said I was sane.

I'm going to put up some pictures because writing is just too damn difficult at the moment. And I'm technically supposed to be working...

ECSTASY

I never wrote about the exhibit I went to last week. And it was one definitely worth mentioning so I'd rather be late than never to enlighten you re: the magic of drugs.

You don't have to read the following, I just think it's interesting.

MOCA PRESENTS GROUNDBREAKING EXHIBITION EXAMINING ALTERED STATES OF PERCEPTION

LOS ANGELES — Ecstasy: In and About Altered States features works from 1990 to the present by 30 artists whose works experiment with transcending everyday physical and mental conditions. Each artist in Ecstasy enacts his or her own intervention into human consciousness by calling attention to mechanisms of perception and expanding notions of reality. The exhibition opens October 9, 2005 at The Geffen Contemporary at MOCA (152 North Central Avenue in downtown Los Angeles), occupying the entire building, and remains on view through February 20, 2006.

"MOCA historically has presented large thematic exhibitions highlighting current issues and the work of emerging artists, including A Forest of Signs: Art in the Crisis of Representation, Helter Skelter: L.A. Art in the 1990s, and Public Offerings," said MOCA Director Jeremy Strick. "The museum continues this tradition by presenting Ecstasy, a fascinating examination of artists' interpretations of perception in contemporary art."

Organized by MOCA Chief Curator Paul Schimmel with the assistance of MOCA Project Coordinator Gloria Sutton, Ecstasy brings together imaginative works that create a heightened sensory experience for the viewer that elicits myriad responses, including awe and surprise, humor and delight, even confusion and sublime contemplation. The exhibition includes a wide spectrum of artistic practices, such as installation, painting, sculpture, video, photography, and new media of many new or rarely exhibited works by both established and emerging artists: Franz Ackermann, Eija-Liisa Ahtila, Francis Alÿs, Chiho Aoshima, assume vivid astro focus, Massimo Bartolini, Tatsurou Bashi, Glenn Brown, Janet Cardiff and George Bures Miller, Olafur Eliasson, Lara Favaretto, Sylvie Fleury, Tom Friedman, Rodney Graham, Jeppe Hein, Carsten Höller, Pierre Huyghe, Ann Veronica Janssens, Ann Lislegaard, Matt Mullican, Takashi Murakami, Paul Noble, Roxy Paine, Charles Ray, Erwin Redl, Pipilotti Rist, Paul Sietsema, Fred Tomaselli, and Klaus Weber.

Ecstasy explores two distinct areas of perceptional experimentation. The first, more representational vein of the exhibition includes works which either represent or incorporate actual pharmaceutical and organic drugs or works representing altered states that the artists themselves have undergone, while the second area consists of works that are designed to simulate or evoke an altered experience for the viewer. Some of the artists in the exhibition have produced bodies of work that fall into both representational and experiential categories. For example, in Charles Ray's self portrait, Yes (1990), the artist presents a life-size photograph of himself under the influence of LSD in a convex frame, mounted on a convex wall of exactly the same angle. The work appears to be perpendicular to the floor at first glance, but one quickly perceives the alteration of space.

The representational thread often addresses the relationship between creativity and altered states induced by mind-altering drugs. In Narcoturismo (1996), Francis Alÿs traces the experience of walking through various neighborhoods in Copenhagen, under the influence of a different narcotic substance each day on his visit, through an 8x10 inch framed typed text piece that matter-of-factly lists each of the drugs taken. In Rodney Graham's 26-minute video, Halcion Sleep (1994), he documents his sleepy ride in the back of a van through the rainy streets of Vancouver after consuming the drug Halcion.

Examples of artists who represent or incorporate actual pharmaceutical and organic drugs in their works include Tom Friedman, whose Untitled (1995) is a gelatine pill capsule filled with tiny spheres of multi-colored Play-Doh. Fred Tomaselli's new large-scale mosaic-like object, Organism (2005), incorporates leaves of organic substances and other materials covered in layers of glossy clear resin. By locking the inanimate forms together, Tomaselli mimics processes of embalming fossilization. Roxy Paine's Psilocybe Cubensis Field (1997) is a simulation of 2,200 "magic" mushrooms installed as if they are growing out of the gallery floor. Super Nova (1999), by Takashi Murakami, features images of mushrooms in kaleidoscopic colors on a frieze-like surface, suggesting a psychedelic version of reality.

The experiential thread is frequently manifested in interactive installations and built environments in which artists use disjunctions in scale or the disruption of spatial orientation to affect a change for the viewer. Stockholm-based Carsten Höller's Upside Down Mushroom Room (2000) features several three-meter high sculptures of psychotropic mushrooms inverted and suspended from the ceiling. Spinning at various speeds and reaching down to eye level, the giant mushrooms seem to have spouted from above, further heightening the hallucinatory experience. In Ann Veronica Janssens's projection installation, Donut (2003), the viewer is subjected to regular intervals of flashing color that fills a darkened room with a series of concentric circles of soothing blues and greens, creating a vertiginous spell. The work addresses loss of control and the absence of fixed materiality through a sensory experience that tests one's cognitive reflexes. Danish artist Jeppe Hein elicits disorientation through the subtle alteration of the gallery space in Invisible Moving Wall (2002). Gliding at an almost imperceptible pace, a gallery wall slowly begins to close in, generating a sense of confusion and uneasiness. Olafur Eliasson's Your strange certainty still kept (1996) is an environmental installation using large droplets of water and strobe lights to create a photographic effect that disassociates the visitor from her/his physical surroundings. Specially made for the exhibition, Tatsurou Bashi's Kariforunia (2005) changes the way visitors perceive the edifices they encounter everyday. The work consists of a constructed living room, supported by a scaffolding structure, situated 30 feet above the ground around the Los Angeles City Hall flagpole bearing the California state flag. Visitors can access the room by climbing a secured staircase where they will see the flag, which previously waved high above the heads of busy pedestrians in downtown Los Angeles, re-positioned at eye level.

Other artists such as Chiho Aoshima, Janet Cardiff and George Bures Miller, and Pipilotti Rist simulate dream-like hypnotic states using audio and large film projections. Aoshima's City Glow (2005) is a large-scale, multi-screen, digital animation portraying a fantastical futuristic city of skyscrapers transformed into demure, worm-like creatures with human faces. Cardiff and Miller's The Muriel Lake Incident (1999) is a 4x4 foot diorama of a miniature movie theater with a video projection and sound elements recorded in a full-size theater heard through headphones. The aural expansiveness of the recording contrasts with the diminutive scale of the moving image, creating a sense of hyper-reality. Rist's installation of two video projections on transparent curtains, Related Legs (2001), presents a psychedelic environment of images, layered upon one another, that mix dream sequences with reality.

The exhibition also features artists relatively new to Los Angeles audiences, including Lara Favaretto, Ann Lislegaard, and Klaus Weber. Favaretto's Confetti Canyon (2005) is a performance that will take place on the exhibition’s opening night in which paper confetti is shot from two cannons over the heads of museum-goers. Lislegaard's installation I-You-Later-There (2000) consists of a leaning vertical platform onto which flashes of blinding light are projected while in an audio component, a female voice describes her experiences of domestic life. Experienced in a darkened gallery, the work disorients the viewer's perception of physical reality, while imbuing it with new psychological and social significance. In Weber's LSD Fountain (2003), diluted LSD trickles through the spouts of a three-tiered Victorian crystal fountain.

"In today’s culture, where we are constantly bombarded with sensory stimuli, Ecstasy explores the boundaries in which the virtual and real become blurred through our experiences," said MOCA Chief Curator Paul Schimmel. "The works in this exhibition participate in this cultural movement and function as a conduit between the mind of the artist and that of the viewer through the emergence of new perspectives on our increasingly complex reality."

Sarita Chiquita...Bonita?

I remember when we were friends. We used to talk on the phone for hours every night. We'd talk about her fantasies, her obsession with Paul, her freaky fetishes. Now I realize it was all about her. I didn't mind because I love to listen. I'm not that person who goes on and on about myself, it's just not me. But I also believe that there should be some sort of reciprocity in a friendship. It should never be all about one person. And that's why I think Molly and I get along so well; we both give each other a chance to talk and we both care about each other's opinions. With Sarah, though, it was all about her. She had a problem with this or that and it was my job to try to fix it. I'd boost her self esteem and hide my own insecurites. Keep in mind, this is quite a few years ago, but we definitely had a bond for awhile that was stronger than I had with many of my friends. It's hard to believe today that we were so close because of our current situation. But if I was really the bitch that she accuses me of being, I would reveal those sensitive little secrets that she shared with me. I would tear her reputation apart with the priviledged information I hold.

But I won't.

I will, however, share how I feel about her and show that, as Molly wrote, she is a bad person and doesn't deserve our friendship. Sure, it hurt like a bitch to think that she could so easily dispose of me. I wasn't even angry or hurt that I was losing a great friend; I think I knew subconsciously for awhile that neither of us wanted to deal with each other any longer. I was angry that I didn't get any closure, that she was too chicken shit to stand up to me to tell me how she felt, to give me a reason for her avoiding me and telling everyone else what she should have told ME. I thought we'd have an opportunity to talk this past Monday when we were all supposed to hang out with Benke, but she changed her mind and decided not to come because I was going. So I lost my chance to ask her what the problem is. I still don't know if she's angry about the message I wrote her about ignoring us while she was in Costa Rica or if there's another deeper rooted problem. I wish she would have communicated with me in times like that, times where I wanted to talk things over but she was too afraid of confrontation and so left me with nothing. I was deprived of an explanation and I still want one.

But she leaves for Costa Rica today. For whatever reason, I don't even care any more. If I had a plan (like giving up my future for an ugly little costa rican mijo) that everyone attacked because of its obvious stupidity, I would make up other reasons for my decision as well. I would definitely blame my family. And I'm not even being sarcastic this time; I really understand what she did in this respect. I'm NOT saying it's right. Often the most common and easiest decision is not the best one.

So she's leaving and we never talked. She never attempted to speak to me. I guess I didn't try very hard either, but at least I made the last move. I basically told her, a couple days before coming home and a couple days before I left for college, that it was shady for forgetting my birthday (and she later "forgot" Fragola's as well) especially when we all agreed to buy each other gifts from Tiffany's. I hope she loves the neckace we each spent $40 on for her birthday. Because she doesn't deserve a penny of it. Enjoy.

I told her that it was great how she changed her flight home to the day before I left for college so that the most I would see her was once before leaving. I knew she wouldn't come say goodbye though, and I told her that. I was right. Birte came and visited me the day I left, so there was no excuse that Sarah couldn't have found a way. I'm sure Birte doesn't know how much it meant to me to see her one last time before she left. I was irritated at both of them at the time, maybe even aggravated, but I got over it a second after seeing Birte. I only grew angrier at Sarah because of her refusal to face up to what she'd done and accept it. I called her out and she couldn't handle it. She has to know she's wrong. I mean, she could be psychotic and not realize her faults- in that case I don't blame her. But she's not, and I do blame her. She had no defense (how could she?), and therefore couldn't confront me. She knew she was wrong and saw it as too much to handle. I wish I could find the letter. Does anyone have a copy of it? Anyway, I wrote the letter sardonically, knowing she would understand my mock politeness. I THANKED her, basically, for being a bitch. It was a very nicely written letter in my opinion and I don't regret a word. It reflected not only my opinion but the opinions of all the others involved. It's funny how I'm the only one who gets the priviledge of her wrath.

It's a common theme of my life- I'm the only one to really speak up and I experience the consequences. People have so much to say until they're faced with confrontation and they clam up. It's just like the problem with Jess and Dave- everyone was fine talking behind their backs but were scared shitless at the thought of speaking to their faces. And the best thing we could have done (as KC and I later did) was talk to Jess.

Sarah has this problem as well. I don't know why it is so hard for her to talk to me. I consider myself a reasonable, understanding person. I would have listened to her argument and given her my point of view. Even if I seem harsh, I'm always willing to give another chance. As much as I don't want to admit it, if she suddenly realizes how badly she fucked up and comes back desperate and in need, I would be there to help her. As much as I hate her, and believe me I DO, I couldn't turn her away. I'll be here even after years of stressing over her forgetting me and excluding me from having fun with out mutual friends.

But that's not what I want to talk about. Because even though I know that I have that aspect in my character, I am furious at what she's done (and is still doing), not just to me but everyone else surrounding her. I want to know, how can she be so selfish? How can she seriously not think about her actions? Everything that Molly described in her blog, all of it- I just want to know how she lives with herself. How is she so insensitive?

You're right Molly. She's just a really really bad person.

Hey. Maybe she contracted AIDs in Costa Rica and is afraid to tell us, so she's going back there to die happily. In that case, I don't blame her. Good job Sarah. In any other case, you're a bitch. But if you have AIDs, I'm here for you. You know, AIDs in espanol is SIDA.




So...Sarah...it seems like we've got a lot to talk about. I want an apology. I want to forgive you. I want to leave this behind us, but you won't let me. It hurts less being able to realize what a mistake you're making and knowing that karma will repay you. You'll get kicked in the ass twice as hard. But for now, I will concentrate on being happy myself. I feel much better getting this out and I feel like I'm already putting you behind me. Have fun in your third world country.

Pretzels and Diet Coke

yummm. there's all the sustenance i'll get until 4:00 today. I had no time for breakfast at home and no money for lunch. I don't see my wallet right now and I'm really worried. I must have left it in the car accidentally. Damn you Alex for making me spend so much money yesterday. I think I have $2 left. And I had about $50. No, more. Gas is fucking expensive. But I saved a bunch getting it in the ghetto where it's $2.17 and not $2.39 like in Brentwood. I guess I'll go to the bank sometime later. Not that there's any money there either but you can always try. Who wants to donate money to the Aline Foundation??? I promise you, it will go to a great cause- like going to the Improv tonight to see Chelsea Handler. Definitely necessary for my survival.

Watch her:
http://www.chelsea-handler.com/SUArchive.htm

Oops

I worked here all last year and used a really old PC that didn't really work and screwed up a lot of the time. When I had nothing to do, I would go on myspace or aim. When I got to work yesterday, though, the old computer was gone and replaced by a new laptop. My boss told me that the other one had a lot of problems because of things being downloaded and that it had to be replaced. He gave me strict orders not to download anything. Today he tells me that I must have downloaded aim or something and that it really messed with the old compuer. Who would have known that a simple application could cause so much damage on an old computer!?!?

Well that explains why I won't be on aim during the day anymore. And Blake thought we'd all get online and talk to each other the second we got home. Look how wrong he was. I win.

Where Oh Where Has My Little Sock Gone?

Oh Where Oh Where can it be?
I went to sleep wearing two socks, and woke up with one. Craziness.

So...I tried to get pictures up on photobucket last night but they didn't work. The only one I had time for this morning was this:

He's a big boy...


I have a feeling I'll be writing a hell of a lot at work. Right now I have nothing to do except wait for my boss to arrive because I did everything he needed me to do yesterday. If only I was a slow worker, then I wouldn't be this bored.


Today I might be going on a date, depending on whether I accept or reject the one asking.

Hey...Alex...I just realized we're just like the movie Crazy/Beautiful. You're the crazy mexican and I'm the beautiful blonde. Hah. (minus the beautiful of course. And I'm nowhere near being a rich bitch either. Too bad. And Ulrika don't even think about telling me I'm not blonde.)
It's perfect, the movie was even filmed at our high school.

I spent waaay too much on my mom's Christmas present yesterday, but it was perfect and I had to buy it. I just had to. My momma is obsessed with David Bowie and I found a really great book with lots of pretty pictures...so I had to get it. I just can't spend any money the rest of break (except buying more presents). I fucking hate being broke.

Good Morning, Westbourne Capital Management...

Now I'm at work. I've been home for less than three days and I'm already back into my old summer routine, waking up at 8 in the morning and rushing off to work at my exciting desk job. If only money wasn't so damn important (or if I HAD any)- I'd be relaxing at the Ritz Carlton somehere in San Diego and eating their delicious nachos by the pool. Let's pretend it's warm outside too. OK, I know I can't complain about the weather but it's really not THAT much warmer here in LA than Portland. I mean, it is...but...yeah, I guess you get used to it quickly here because I'm already too cold in the morning to get out of bed. I had to wear a jacket AND coat this morning, so that really tells you something. It's cold.

Anyway, the last three days have been great. Ulrika Molly Burke picked me up from the airport because my parents don't love me and she took me to my house where we got ready for the concert. I missed Molly sooooo much!!! Birte arrived soon after and we all (Molly, Birte, my parents, sister, Alex and I) decided to meet at Tip's, a Thai restaurant where the owners have become friends of the family. Everyone who works there is related- it is truly a family business. A while back, they had some problems with some kind of building regulations that they were clueless on, and my dad took it upon himself to help them out. He helped get their business back together, now following all the government restrictions, and today it is a thriving restaurant with ultra-cheap and delicious food and, most of all, wonderfully friendly service. Once in awhile, they give us presents from Thailand such as bottles of those origami paper stars, cookies and chocolates. Every time I go to Tip's, I feel like part of the family. We've been going there for about 14 years now, maybe more, and I love taking everyone I know, both to support their business and give them the experience that I love. Mostly because I love the food.

So we went to Tip's and then walked a block to the Wiltern, where my dad works (upstairs where the flags are, not FOR the Wiltern) and where the 311 concert was. Alien Ant Farm opened and then 311 played until 11. We all thought it ended a bit early- don't commercial popular bands' concerts usually end around midnight? The concert was great, and it was even better being with Molly and Birte again. We left the Wiltern and drove back to my house where we all squeezed into my bed and stayed up talking.

The next morning I woke up bright and early to run to Planned Parenthood for some anti-baby pills. Thank you KC for introducing me to such a wonderful name for birth control and Malka for giving me two months worth when I realized I would actually be having sex. A lot. Except when I'm not with Alejandro of course. So this time I got my own. I forced Alex to go with me because I REALLY didn't want to go but knew I had to. Being with him made it a million times easier. Maybe even a billion. He acted like my bitch, getting the paperwork and clipboard and even bringing a pen- probably because he knew I was uncomfortable, and he loves me. It was finally over and we went to Benihanas for lunch. I got more fried rice than Alex. Hah.

That night was Alex's cousin, Jesus' 18th birthday party. So I met the son of God. Jealous much? Anyway...I'll explain the night. Alex picked up his bong from home and we drove for what seemed like forever into the valley past Chesebro where the Umheys live (and that's FAR). We were told the party was starting around 9-10 and we got there around 10:15 I think. No one was there. Apparently it changed to start around 11. So I met Jesus' parents (Alex's aunt and uncle), both of whom were sweet- but especially his mom. Now I love her because she said I was pretty. She must be crazy but I love her all the same. My favorite people at the party were Jesus and Edwin. Edwin is also Alex's cousin and goes to UC San Jose. They were both freakin hilarious. I wanted to bust out my mexican voice to accompany Edwin's but I was too shy and I didn't want to embarrass myself. They had Alex and I guard Jesus' room to stop people from hooking up in it. They didn't say WE couldn't do anything.

Anyway, we had fun. I had to be home sometime between the party and going to the zoo, so we drove home at 5-something. I didn't get home until after six, and then I snuck back to my room that isn't connected to the rest of the house, and went to sleep. I was dead tired and only got to sleep a couple hours before waking up to go to the zoo. Alex sure monopolized my time this weekend. He woke me up and I went to pick him up. I called my boss to figure out my hours and Malka on the long drive to Alex's house in the ghetto. I miss my Malka and I need her back soon. KC too. I need to call her. She can call me too though, the stupid whore. JKJK I love you. I'll call you both when I'm off work at one. I miss all my reedies, dammit. If I were rich I would totally fly them ALL out to LA to visit me.

So we went to the zoo. Why does everyone think that's weird? You don't have to be 6 years old to go to the zoo and enjoy it. We had bunches of fun and Alex even witnessed a lion mating session. He was a real one minute "man". Unfortunately, there was no elefant or camel riding. I want to put up some pictures we took but I'll have to do that later when I can find the cord to transfer the pics to my sister's computer.

I dropped Alex off and haven't seen him since. I should count the number of hours we spent together since I've been home. I know it's a hell of a lot. It's so hard letting go of him, even when I know it will only be a day until we see each other again.

Let's jump to today, Monday the 19th of December. I realized a couple days ago how close it is to Christmas. And my family doesn't even have a tree. No Christmas lights, no tree. How fucking sad. Even my dorm had Christmas lights. Either way, I have to buy people presents- and FAST. I need to make Ulrika's blanket and figure out how to get everyone else that I love presents without spending shitloads of money. I have some creative ideas but not enough. I have to try my hardest not to empty out my bank account. I can rationalize that I can spend money because I'll be working and earning money all break. Hopefully lots of money. I think I'll increase my hours starting tomorrow. I'll work 9-4 or something. And I'll probably be incredibly bored and write blogs at least twice a day. This will be the backlash that KC and Malka are asking for. If you want me to write blogs, then FINE I will. You just wait, you'll be swamped with all the reading I give you. Maybe I'll even start my own novel. Hah.

When I said let's jump to today, I had intended to write about my plans for the rest of the day but somehow I got sidetracked. Around 2:00, I'm going to Benke's house with Ulrika and Fragola Beans. We're all going to hang out, maybe eat some late lunch, and then go Christmas shopping. I don't know where we're going but I have a feeling that Fragola and Benke will be the only ones buying expensive gifts. Speaking of which, what the hell should I get my family for Christmas??? I'll have to brainstorm that later. Anyway, I know there will be a good fill of gossip at this meeting, tons of catching up. We have bunches to talk about, since much has gone on in the four(?) months since I've seen Benke. I can't wait! Well, I'm off to pretend that I have something to do in this last hour before I get off work. Peace and chicken grease.

The Pomegranate, At Last

No, I'm not blogging right now because my wise, compelling words are in such high demand. (Although it's very true that they are) I'm writing now because I'm bored in my room on my sister's computer listening to christmas music. And my dad just turned the internet back on. He fucked it up to punish my sister...and fucked me up on the way. Go figure.

Well, I started writing some things in the hours of boredom that I was stuck in the airport and I intended to post it, so I might as well write it now. Pretend it's Friday December 16th- it shouldn't be too hard. Here goes...

Endless waiting in the airport has begun to render me delirious. The PA announcements have started to sound like CIA spy codes. They tell Catherine Donaldson to go to a white phone and press 0 for a message. Sounds pretty sketchy to me. Oh my god I just said sketchy. I should go to a white phone and press 0 and see what happens. I am here so early that I'm far too early for the flight leaving before mine, departing for Phoenix at 11:50. Here I am, three hours before my plane leaves, already bored to death.

The past few days I've thought of many things to blog about but never found time to do it. It's funny how I can always find time when I have 5,000 pages to read for humanities or a paper hanging over my head, but now that I have tons of time and no excuse not to write, I'm unable to crank something out. Whatever. I'll do it.

Molly lent me a book, Love Medicine by Louise Erdrich that I'm reading and loving. Halfway through the first chapter, I realized that Tracks (which I read a couple years ago and loved) was written by the same author and that many of the characters are the same in both books. It's especially fun learning different perspectives on the characters that I already know.

The airport, as everyone acknowledges, is a great people-watching arena. Sometimes I think the dumbest of the dumbest collect at the airport. How is it that there are so many idiots out there? You'd think that natural selection would have weeded them out by now. I just want to know why the stupid people are still breeding. (NoFx anyone?) I don't mean people with simply lower intelligence, because I know many great people who aren't so bright but have amazing hearts. (Forrest Gump, for example- and YES, I do know him personally. Forrest Gump, not Tom Hanks.) I mean the assholes who yell at their wives on the phone at the airport for insignificant issues and the girls who talk shit on their cell phones in ebonics for hours straight, feet on the seats and caked with four inches of makeup. Someone should tell them, you're not hot. Grow Up.

Anyway...enough of my current observations. I have too much to reflect on re: the last few days. I was getting extremely worried about seeing Birte before the 311 concert without speaking to her first. I had no clue where she stood on the situation or how anything would play out. Then, a few days before returning home, Alex and I saw her online and decided to invite her to a group chat. My heart started racing just as it did each time we called her and each time we sent her a myspace message. I got nervous every time we tried to contact her because I knew how sensitive I had to be to everything; saying something stupid could have extreme consequences. Like losing a friendship. Which, to me, is obviously the worst thing that could possibly happen. Birte entered the chatroom. No one knew what to say. All three of us stared at our screens waiting for someone to initiate a conversation. Then, almost at the same time, Alex and I said hi. We had no idea how Birte was feeling or how she would react. She said hello. We told her we were worried when she didn't respond to our attempts at getting in touch with her. She told us that she needed time. She thought things over and said she understood where we were coming from. I thought it was too good to be true. I had been bracing myself for drama and tension and exclusion from our mutual friends, but there was no need anymore! If I thought I was relieved by the end of finals, I truly learned the feeling of relief with this convo. I was so happy. I told Alex in a seperate IM how I felt and we spoke about how great this sudden change was. We were exhilarated. The rest of the conversation was not at all awkward and, in fact, pleasant. I was so happy that I didn't quite know what to say, or know how to make conversation, but we continued talking until Birte had to leave. Now I couldn't wait for the concert.

Speaking of leaving, I've got to run but I'll finish up my stories later. Love you, buh bye.

NO KACEY

i won't update my blog.

i have too much to say so i won't attempt to say it now. maybe later tonight when i'm drunk.


shit. in saying this, i am actually listening to your request. i always give into your antics. fuck.

Peace, at last

I feel like such a weight has been lifted. The amount of work and stress leading up to my finals today was insane. I'm not even worried about my psychology test on Thursday, I'm just glad today is over. I'm not one to dwell on things- I like to finish and forget about it. I'm not that person who wants to go over every question and analyze tests like it's going to change anything.

Walking back to my dorm, finished with finals, I felt entirely relaxed. For the first time in weeks, I could look out at the bare, leafless trees and frozen lake and accept it for the beautiful scenery that it is. The tranquility that Reed omits is usually overshadowed by endless studying. On most days, I'm too preoccupied with whatever is on my mind to look out and enjoy the canyon. I don’t know why I thought I’d be able to jump into cleaning and packing right after finals. I just want to relax. My brain is so overloaded, I just need to be dumb for a month. And that’s exactly what I’ll do. LOS ANGELES HERE I COME!!!!

sheer genius

right here

Creo en Dios

Things I've found interesting while studying:


El asesino se pone pálido. Tiene miedo. Sale de la casa y corre a lo largo del río. -501 Spanish Verbs

And what a long time it's been since you've celebrated Aphrodite's holy mysteries. -Lysistrata

Virginity, virginity, where have you gone and left me? -Sappho

Like a Thracian or Phrygian drawing beer out of a straw, she sucked away, head forward, working hard...his prick, like that of a he-ass from Priene well-fed with grain, spilled over... -Archilochus

She has nothing beautiful or charming about her, nothing delightful or lovely. She is mad for bed and lovemaking, but any man who lies with her she sickens with disgust. -Semonides

There is no outrage in drinking as much as you can hold and still make your way home without an attendant, unless you are very old indeed. Praise that man of men who when he has drunk brings worthy things to light. -Xenophanes

Murder. The house breathes with murder- bloody shambles!...I know that odour. I smell the open grave. -Cassandra in Agamemnon

Schedule

I need to make a rigid structured schedule for the next two days before my Humanities and Spanish finals.

SUNDAY:
7-8 wake up, shower
8-10 spanish workbook and flashcards (starting from ch. 10 going backwards)
11-12 spanish lab (recent chapters)
12-12:30 lunch
12:30-2 herodotus
2-4 thucydides
4-4:50 finish reading ch's 9 and 10 of aristotle (speed read!)
4:50-6 spanish tutor in library
6-7 dinner
7-9 socrates/plato/aristotle
9-9:30 break?
9:30-11 spanish again
11-? sleep/talk to alex

MONDAY
7-8 wake up, shower
8-11 review humanities, go over passages that might be on ID's. look up past tests, read stuff on the humanities website, use resources that you're usually too lazy to take advantage of!
11-12 spanish workbook or lab
12-12:30 lunch
12:30-3 more humanities
3-6 spanish spanish spanish!!!
6-7 dinner
7-12 whatever is needed most, do that. you'll know at the time.
12 sleep so you can wake up bright and early for the 8:00 Hum final!

TUESDAY
8-12 Hum final
1-4 Spanish final
night........celebrate the end of finals (though not the end of tests)........get SHITFACED


*do NOT think about Alex. do NOT get distracted!!!