I think that my decision to listen to Marilyn Manson at this very moment may have been a mistake. I've been trying to hide my feelings about today for awhile (why? I don't know. It hurts?) and I'm at the point where I'm not sure I can contain it any longer.
Once again, my doubts and anxiety have proven fully warranted and I'm pretty much screwed.
I hate being screwed. And this sort of fucked up situation is exactly the thing that will stop me from taking risks in the future, which is not what I need. I thought it would be fun, I thought maybe- just maybe- they would come through. I thought that if we all invested $70 in something, something like awesome concert tickets, everyone would try a little harder to make it happen. But now I'm stuck with money down the drain and no ride to California and no one to go with. I don't want to think about how badly I wanted to go because I know I will just break down. The concert starts at 7pm tonight. Concord is about 8-10 hours away. If I left now, I might be able to make it in time. But I've resigned to the fact that it's not going to happen- I'm not going to go.
Oh my god I've got to do something really fucking awesome today to make up for this.
If only the skate house party tonight wouldn't (potentially) be so horribly awkward...
(Remember this?)
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