i need my boy. i had such high expectations for tonight and he got my hopes up, telling me he would sneak out and visit me when in fact he's probably not even coming anymore. I haven't heard from him in awhile and, i'll admit, i'm a little angry. i'm so close to him, yet so far away. how have i been here so long (ok...just a day...) and still not seen him? i want to blow him off and tell him not to even come anymore, especially because i think he might decide not to come anyway, but i can't bring myself to do it. i want him as much or more than he wants me. with alex, it's not at all merely sexual. i'm fucking emotionally bound to him, and i don't want to hurt him as much as i don't want to be hurt. it hurts waiting.
but i know i can't be angry and try to hurt him, because it will hurt myself even more. what a vicious cycle.
call me baby, you know the number...
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