I've got a lot of mixed feelings about going home, and I think it's a perfect time to write about them. Six in the morning is a perfect time to blog, especially when you've been awake for the past four hours. I know why I can't sleep. It's not because I'm nervous about school or work, it's because of my anxiety about going home. I'm not sure how people will receive me when I get there. A lot has changed since I left, and I know that certain things will be rough. I'm scared shitless about what will happen between my friend Birte and me. I want to talk to her before I get home, but she didn't answer when Alex and I called about 6 times last night. We desperately need to ensure our friendship with her, in hopes of her getting past the fact that Alex and I are now happily together. She doesn't know how deep in love we are, and I think it's better that she doesn't. It would hurt her more knowing how far we've come in her absence, while she messes around with other guys.
And then there's the parents. I haven't actually told them about Alex.
It's not that I would normally be afraid to tell them about a boyfriend, but Alex is different. I mean, he came all the way to Oregon to see me. That's something to hold on to. So I will tell them. I don't know how, but I will. Also, awhile ago when we first met, my mom asked me if there was any love interest between Alex and me, and of course I said- no way! one of my best friends likes him so I would never. It seems that I crossed that line unintentionally. I never wanted to fall for her obsession, the boy she wanted for so long, but I've come to believe that this was unavoidable. It happened and it was meant to happen. Our love is fucking beyond our control- neither of us holds the reigns, it lives on its own. Even if we wanted to end it, we wouldn't be able to extinguish our love.
As for my other friends, I'm not sure how everything will play out for them. I wonder if everything will be the same, if we'll joke around the entire time and be carefree, or if there will be a thin line of tension, a barely detectable awkwardness penetrating the group. I hope nothing has changed, but I can't help worrying that all my friends have become different people. All I can do is wait, and count down the hours until I find out...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Holy poop Aline, everything should be the same :/
I hope so, I really wonder about Bird though, I really haven't talked to her much but yea I see now you and Alex are like this ||...such a beautiful thing...
i found that when i went home, nothing had really changed. my relationship with one of my best friend's back home, sam, was actually probably stronger than it'd ever been.
and i'm actually a lot closer to quite a few people from home.
the important ones won't change their friendship with you, aline.
Post a Comment